What is The “67 Steps” Program?

The last couple of months I’ve stumbled upon something I’ve never come across before on the internet..

It’s a video course where Tai Lopez (An investor, entrepreneur and author) talks about 67 important lessons he learned throughout his life.

By balancing your health, your wealth and your social life you’ll reach a state of eudaimonia. Which is a fancy word for “excellent life quality” – or as Tai calls it; “The Good Life”

Tai illustrates each topic with personal stories from his life or insights he picked up from reading books.

And he has read quite a few… (5000+ )

The course is was completely free and you even got a additional copy of “Managing Oneself” by Peter Drucker to discover your personal strengths.

This course is gold

It this review I’m going to share the most important lessons I’ve learned from the course and how I plan to implement those steps into my life (the ones I’ve found relevant at least)

At the moment I’m at 16 19 21 different key lessons.

Note: These are my personal interpretations of what his 67 steps mean. Different conclusions are always possible.

Let’s go.

————————————————————-

1) Be Worth A Damn

To deserve the life you want, you’ll have to do the actions that are necessary.

He says most people are delusional. We somehow think we’re entitled to “the good life” without putting in the effort required to actually get there.

When you look at your life today, would you objectively say you deserve a higher life quality than others – according to the work you’ve put in? Are you better than your competition?

Look around in your life, who would you bet on to make a million dollars? Would you bet on yourself? If not – what needs to change?

Application & Thoughts

Take on an attitude of full responsibility for your own life. If you want a higher life quality there will be things you’ll have to do and things you’ll have to give up. This way you’ll increase your chances of attaining the life you desire (duh).

How?

This made me look at my life and compile a list of essential habits that are required to build a great life. Then I proceeded to break these down into actionable steps to implement gradually.

2) Be Adaptable

This step is based on the theory of evolution which states that the person who’s best-adapted to his environment is the one that’ll survive. “The good life” doesn’t go to people who don’t notice the “change of seasons.”

The person with static skills will never thrive in an dynamic environment. Look for changes & trends and use those to your advantage. Make choices on a long-term basis.

Application & Thoughts

Be aware of your current actions and surroundings. Check up on your habits and see if the way you’re living is an ESS (evolutionary stable strategy) meaning you quantify your decisions based on long-term thinking.

Devise a survival strategy for your life.

• Is eating at McDonalds a maintainable strategy?
• Is spending money on clothes and dinners a maintainable strategy?
• Is working a 9-5 job without added entrepreneurship a maintainable strategy?

The way I do this is by staying aware of political, social, economic and technological trends. I wouldn’t watch the news (solely) since they are heavily biased towards ratings.

Subscribe to different websites who keep you updated of occurring events that may impact your life.

3) Be Humble

Everyone has a piece of gold that we can extract from them. We find humility in what we learn from others, even the ones we think can’t provide us any value.

Be teachable by people who achieved far greater results than you have. Look for deep domain expertise (does he/she actually have the knowledge?) and references (does he/she have the results you desire?)

Many people are unhumble know-it-alls, unable to listen to people who know more than they do.

Application & Thoughts

Spend more time learning from the ones that came before you and less from your own mistakes. Spend your money on books & seminars. Spend more time tracking down and networking with mentors.

This will enable you to avoid a lot of mistakes by “standing on the shoulders of giants”. It allows you to tap into the collective wisdom of great minds that have come before you.

4) Get A Mentor

Mentors will shave years of your learning curve and I recommend you to get one. Whether this is in books, seminars or real-life.

Mentor others too. Tai talks about the law of 33%, which states that you should spend;

• 1/3 of your time with people below you (the ones you mentor)
• 1/3 of your time with people on your level (close friends, brothers in arms)
• 1/3 of your time with people above you (your mentors)

Find people who aren’t full time teachers but are actually making money with the things they’re preaching about. Keep in mind that;

• Good mentors are busy (He mentions a story in which a man tried 17 times before he got mentored)
• Some are burned up
• Build the relationship slowly (Establish contact over a 18 month period)
• Don’t be a leech, provide value by using the concept of reciprocal kindness.
• Interview people you admire on a self-created platform
• Buy and read their books

Application & Thoughts

Make a list of 10 mentors and contact all of them. A great way to create a networking spreadsheet is by using the free ebook from John Corcoran – I’ve found it to be invaluable.

I don’t necessarily believe the law of 33% is that relevant/practical. Learn from the great and teach it to others (to improve your memory)

5) Ignore The 99%

Most people’s opinions are simply reflections of social bias. Look for references and signs of expertise before taking advice.

• Don’t trust health advice from a personal trainer that’s overweight.
• Don’t take money advice from someone’s who’s constantly struggling financially.
• Don’t listen to relationship advice from someone who doesn’t have a (girl)friend(s)

All (sustainable) success comes from “the grind”. Process over events.

You have less chance of winning the lottery than you have of;

• Getting hit by lightning
• Being eaten by a shark
• Being hit by a piece of scrap metal from a plane

Yet how many people buy lottery tickets each day?

Look at your life as one big piece of marble and everyday you grind away one small piece of imperfection. Tai calls this “the sculpture approach”. Choose the general direction you want to go and adjust accordingly. Most people are looking for “events” as opposed to “grinds”.

Health, wealth and love don’t come in events but by carefully selected actions every single day. Don’t think others have it easier than you – they don’t.

You often come to the conclusion that other peoples’ good fortune is derived from a factor outside of their control, that their favorable achievements can be attributed to circumstances. This is because you’ve never seen the hard work, doubts and pain involved that gave birth to those successes.

We don’t observe the inner workings of another and are therefore more inclined to ascribe their successes to outside forces.

Tai compares this to observing the passing seasons.

“We only observe people who are in the fall (harvest) of their life. Forgetting about the longs months of planting in the spring and cultivating during the summer that preceded”

Most are delusional as to how much time it’ll take to get the results they’re looking for. They’ve never planted nor cultivated their crops – yet hope to harvest in the fall.

Application & Thoughts?

Set a realistic time-frame it’ll take to achieve expertise. Focus on planting and cultivating good actions instead of hoping for events.

A mind shift from events towards processes.

…

And don’t ever buy lottery tickets, that makes you a fool – seriously.

7) Escape The Salary Mentality

We have been conditioned all our lives to feel helpless and dependent on others. By being constantly provided by our school, our parents and later our jobs with secure income we have become “learned helpless” meaning we have hardwired our brain to need a steady/regular income.

Get away from this. Stop getting paid for the time you spend in a certain place but start wiring your brain to get paid for performance.

It will make you responsible for your own financial support by actively searching new opportunities you can turn into a profit. If you’ve hardwired your brain in this salary-slave-mentality you become blind to new opportunities.

Application & Thoughts

Ask your employer to get paid according to your performance instead of your time. Tell him your reasoning and ask him how you can improve your performance. This is a win-win.

Secondly analyze your strengths (see step 12) and skills you can combine to create value for others.

• Are you good at repairing? Repair some stuff from people you know
• Do you know about health & fitness? Make a training program and sell it to your friends
• …

Initially it’s not about the profit you make but about the re-wiring of your brain to avoid downward spirals of bad habits.

8) Life Long Learning

“Survival machines that can simulate the future are one jump ahead of survival machines that can only learn based on trial and error”

Tai recommends to learn from the failures of others instead of only relying on your own. Trial and error takes times and energy – frequent errors can even be fatal. Simulations (derived from books) are both safer and faster.

How?

Learn from books! 

This is invaluable. We’ve been conditioned by school that learning is boring and unrewarding but this is simply not true.

It’s not enough anymore in our current information-society to be a mere expert – let alone a generalist.

Tai recommends everyone to become a so-called “renaissance-man” or polymath. Become highly specialized in one particular field and develop conversational level depth in all other subjects. Become so good at one particular field they can’t ignore you.

“Be impressive beyond belief in one thing”

This will allow you to stir & combine more ideas in your mind which will blend to form great opportunities. Tai recommends learning about science, music, language, history & culture (literature, art & poetry)

Application & Thoughts

Life-long continuous learning. I recommend to master health, social and your area of expertise first before spreading out since those are most practical. Learn from others’ mistakes first.

Here’s how to read a book;

1. Read non-fiction books that help improve your life quality.
2. Ask yourself; How will I use this information to improve my life quality/move me closer to my goals?
3. What questions will this material answer?
4. Don’t read everything! (20%ofthebookyou’re reading has 80% of the content; It’s you job to find it/filter it out. See yourself as a gold-miner)
   • Read cover, back, contents, introduction and conclusion first then select chapters that help you answer the question you had in step 3

My Guide To Optimal Learning

9) Be Tough

Tai recommends everyone to take on a more stoic view on life. Meaning you should “sacrifice today for a better tomorrow”. We – as a society – have become too soft. Too YOLO.

“Adversity makes men and prosperity creates monsters.”

Spartans used to go through the agoge learning stealth, cunning, fighting skills and mental resilience from the ages of 7(!) till 21.

Nowadays? There’s nothing like that.

We suffer from a lack of role models, an estrogen inducing diet, media propaganda, too much comfort and more stuff that is making us a shade of our former selves.

Application & Thoughts

Here’s some I do;

• Take a cold shower every morning
• Eat a ketogenic or paleolithic diet high in fat to increase testosterone
• Wake up early (between 5-7 AM) every day
• Do deadlifts, squats and bench presses
• DO NOT watch porn nor masturbate
• Monitor your body language and self-talk

It’s not about what you do that really matters but about the the mental resilience that discomfort builds.

Read My Post On Being A Man

10) Master Your Mind

Our brain is mal-adapted to the times we live in. It is human tendency to move away from pain and into pleasure. Our limbic system is still geared towards instant gratification based on instinct whilst our “newer” neocortex makes more intelligent long-term decisions

“Your neuroprogramming doesn’t understand the complexities of the modern world.”

For Example;

• Fast Food
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Narcotics
• Sugar
• Frivolous spending
• …

They all create dopamine highs (pleasure hormone) you become addicted to.

But as many studies have proven time and time again these habits are not good for us in the long-term. Over-indulgence has led to many of the recent problems in our modern world.

Application & Thoughts

Don’t trust your own brain

See your brain as a divided entity: one being your instinctual craving for instant gratification – the part that’s holding you back. The other being the “real you” (e.g. your neocortex) which makes intelligent decisions.

GREAT quote I’ve stumbled upon recently;

“Our brains are battlefields between our nature and our nurture” – Carlo

11) Build On Strength

People leave school without knowing the things they excel at nor in which industry they can thrive. This skipping from job to job disables them to really develop deep domain expertise which is a requisite for making it big.

“A person can only perform from strengths, and cannot build performance on weakness.

 

“Successful careers are not planned. They develop when people are prepared for opportunities because they know their strengths, their method of work, and their values.”

 

“It takes far less energy to move from first-rate performance to excellence than it does to move from incompetence to mediocrity.” – Peter Drucker

Application & Thoughts

Read Managing Oneself by Peter Drucker or Download The Summary. Find answers to the underlying questions, they are indicators of strengths.

• In what did you grow up around?
• What do strangers compliment you on?
• What did you want to become as a child (what were the underlying trends?)
• What have you been doing the last 10 years?
• What can you effortlessly talk about without losing drive?
• What are the things you effortlessly excel at? What comes easy for you?
• What are the things that make you feel energetic when you do them?
• In what areas do you learning quickly?
• Who do you envy? Who are your mentors?

Build up an array of intangible and tangible skills that are highly desired and difficult to learn suited to your strengths.

If you’re more of an introvert and dislike unstructured/chaotic environments, don’t place yourself in those. If you find you thrive in stimulating environments or need to work with people, go for that.

Read My Post On Finding Your Strengths

12) Find Something You Like – Not “Passion”

Look for work you can sustain for a long time. Your work is going to fill a large part of your adult life therefore it’s imperative you put yourself in a position you can excel at (by knowing your strengths).

Tai states that if you have a job where you need vacation from, you should never go back to it.

A life you need vacation from is a pathetic life.

He goes on to say you shouldn’t look for your passion either, looking for that illusive pot of gold that “feels just right”. It will send you on a wild-goose chase blocking you from building up deep domain expertise in one area.

Find something you like instead.

“Never do something you love, once you do it for work you won’t love it anymore. Do what you like” – Allan Nation

It’s ok to have an eb and flow of work and play  but your end-game shouldn’t be vacation. It should be – as he calls it – “tapdancing” out of bed. Meaning you’re excited and motivated to start your day and feel competent at what you’re doing.

Application & Thoughts

Don’t look for passion but build on strength. We’re often told to “follow our passion” but that’s rarely adequate. Position yourself in areas you like and are good at and after a while you’ll learn to love it.

Find work you have an natural advantage in and use that to your own benefit. It’ll become your passion after a while.

Again, read managing oneself.

13) Be Prepared

Our life is the combined result of our knowledge and our ignorance. We achieve what we understand deeply but lose that what we’re ignorant about.

Ask yourself how many “tools” you have in your tool-belt to deal with your problems. Are you well-rounded enough?

If you don’t have it in your head, you’ll have it in your heel.

(meaning ignorance is costly)

Application & Thoughts

Ask yourself the worst case scenarios that can happen in each area of your life; what is necessary to prepare yourself  for the future? Do you know;

• Basic physiology & nutrition to eat well?
• Psychology to improve your mindset?
• Accounting to maintain the money you’re having?
• Investing to grow it?
• Social skills to build strong relationships?
• How to build attraction with the opposite gender for intimate relationships?
• …

14) Adopt The Investor Mentality

It’s not enough to merely make money, it has to be maintained and grown into larger quantities. Adopt the “investor mentality” and start spending money on things that bring you a return in profit over time.

Most people buy things that rust, rot or depreciate as Tai says; New furniture, latest technological gadgets, fancy cars they can’t afford and so-on. These are consumption’s – not investments.

See you dollars as little seeds you plant to generate and grow a better future.

Many people are frivolous in spending. Not only money but also time, energy and health. He recommends calculating the real cost involved of something instead of just taking into account the price.

• How many hours do you have to work to pay for this item?
• How much of your health are you sacrificing by eating “cheap” food?
• How much energy will this purchase cost you?

Application & Thoughts

Information is your most valuable asset.

• Invest in books, seminars & mentors
• Invest in good food for a clear mind (I recommend paleo/ketogenic type diet)
• Study investing before trusting-off your money to others!
• Spend money on events over material possessions to create what Daniel Kahnemann calls ‘memory happiness”
• Sell all the stuff you don’t use

15) Be A “Social Chameleon”

There are different types of people with different sets of personalities. Tai Lopez recommends becoming a “social chameleon” and shifting to a communication style suited to the person you’re talking to.

He has developed his own “personality system” to categorize 4 different people. (A bit like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.) He calls it the P.A.S.E.-system: Practical, Action, Social & Emotional. Representing 4 “styles” people embody.

• Practical people are slower. They like to plan their work and need a lot of structure. They are unmalleable.
• Action-takers burn through stuff. They’re more hands-on kind of types. They start a lot of stuff but don’t really finish it.
• Social people are more go-with-the-flow kind of people. They are more gregarious and people oriented. They can be flaky at times.
• Emotional people are comparable to deep oceans. They’re sensitive and intuitive.

Application & Thoughts

I don’t like his system but I like the purpose it serves. I’m convinced some personalty traits are inborn and it’s important to “speak other peoples’ language” and adapt to their way of thinking. Being  a social chameleon like Tai says.

I personally like the MBTI test for categorizing people.

• Talk quieter and more deeply with introverts
• Be more sensitive/caring around emotional people and more rational/to-the-point around logical ones.
• Read How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie (GREAT book)

16) Be A Truthseeker

Life is never black or white. It’s not enough to see through your own eyes but you should see the world through “truths eyes”.

What does this mean?

Never become adamant in any set of beliefs before heavy experimentation. 

Don’t be blinded by others. Much “common knowledge” is simply a reflection of social bias. Document YOUR reality by reading the “obvious signs”.

• Health: Take of your shirt and look at your body in the mirror. Is it healthy? Do you exercise? Do you eat right?
• Wealth: Open up your bank account next or check your financial template. Is your balance going down? Do you know you strengths? Are you taking initiative?
• Social: Lastly, check the relationships on your phone. Do you want more friends and/or more meaning in your relationships (breadth/depth?)

The closer we get to the truth the better we’ll do in each area.

Be a constant experimenter on yourself and track progress on the things you’re doing. Here’s the process one should go through to adopt the experimenter mentality;

1. Ask a research question
2. Research & Form a hypothesis (Ask opinions of experts)
3. Test it (1-3 months) – stick to it
4. Observe & record the process and the result
5. Make a conclusion
6. Implement/Discard

Application & Thoughts

The best way I’ve found is to experiment by keeping a journal. I’ve been writing one since late 2013. I’ve accumulated a lot of data and knowledge about my life. It allows me to see recurring trends and the results of my experiments. This way I can adjust my life to whats necessary.

I’ve tried;

• Eating 15 eggs a day
• Doing frequent morning runs at 5am
• Going out to nightclubs and approaching x amount of women in a night
• Doing sleeping experiments
• Keeping a dream diary for lucid dreaming
• 2-day fasting
• …

Discard useless experiments and implement what’s beneficial.

17) Define Your End-Game

Tai recommend doing “the funeral test” to see what you really want out of life. Envision your funeral and ask yourself what you would want other to say about you and your life. What will you have left behind? How will others remember you?

In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there.

 

As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life.

 

As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first is from your family, immediate and also extended —children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.

 

Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

 

What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives? – 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Look at your role models and the life they’ve build for themselves and ask whether you want to be In their shoes. Most people drift aimlessly because they’ve never really analyzed the results they’re looking for.

Without this it’s far too easy to become trapped in the plans of someone else.

Application & Thoughts

Define for each area of your life what you exactly want. I personally use the 7 areas of life approach to solve this problem but the visualization does help to figure out what you truly value.

Off course you’ll want the nice car, off course you’ll want the wild sexual adventures, off-course you’ll want to master your favorite instrument. But all that’s inessential simply burns away in contrast with death.

Read My Post On Setting Goals

18) Choose Relationships Wisely

The world is a competitive place where not everyone has you best interest at heart. The only person who does is yourself (and maybe some of your family). We’re selfish animals by instinct, programmed for survival. Not everyone adheres to the same moral laws you abide by.

Don’t be a sucker by not understanding human nature.

Irresistible forces are always at work. So don’t be fooled by outward appearances, people aren’t always what they project to be.

Morality is the cognitive victory on our animalistic nature. An unwritten code for effective living that can inspire trust and security. Yet it doesn’t always win on our instinctual war for scarce resources.

“Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills”

the animal nature of man is a product of genetic evolution; the urges of man are therefore basal at best. Money, reproduction, happiness, sex, … .

Overall: be careful who you trust, especially when it comes to money.

Application & Thoughts

Set high criteria for the people you allow in your life. Stay away from the unfortunate, unlucky, emotional unstable or otherwise untrustable.

Interview & judge people through recommendations and background checking. It takes a while to completely trust someone, so let people be around you for a long time to see “all their sides”

19) Spend Time Wisely

Life is long if you know how to use it, most people waste their time on useless trivia. We’re not given a short life, but we’re wasteful of it.

Seneca describes 8 ways in which people waste their life;

1. Greedy activities
2. Dedication to useless tasks
3. Drinking & drugs
4. Laziness
5. Worrying what others think of you
6. Self-imposed servitude to thankless people
7. Pursuing others people money (making others rich)
8. Having no clear direction

Here’s another cool quote I’ve compiled from several different sources;

Poor is the man never able to unshackle the chains of his instinctual conditioning.

Predestined for waste, indulgence and decay is he who’s incapable to recollect yesterdays events, utilize today and anticipate the wonders of tomorrow.

Blind of time we waste much of it.

Merely existing, not living.

Don’t be without true pleasure or improvements of the mind – to avoid weeping over the days that will never come again.

Application & Thoughts

I think it’s best to divide your time between 80% stoicism and 20% epicureanism. I call it the 80/20 YOLO-Rule.

Read My Post On Time-Management

20) Prioritize

Not everything is equally important. In your effort to juggle around all things everything gets shortsighted.

There are six BIG lies when it comes to productivity (One Thing by Gary Keller)

• All things matter equally. Not everything is equally as important. There’s really only one thing that truly matters.
• Multitasking is good & efficient. Multitasking is a myth it’s simply switching back and forth between different tasks rapidly. Don’t let you workflow be interrupted by distractions (re-engaging in a project consumes considerably more time and energy)
• Discipline in everything is necessary.  You have to be selectively discipline. Success is about doing the right things right, not everything right. Become selectively disciplined until habits are formed.
• Willpower is always on will-call. Willpower is like a battery, it depletes over time. This concept is called willpower depletion. Think of it like the power bar on your cell-phone, it drains over time. Do your most important work first.
• Balance is important. To achieve an extraordinary result, you must choose what matters most and give it all the time it demands. This requires getting extremely out of balance related to other life areas.
• Big is bad. How big you think becomes the launching pad for how high you achieve. Our results are directly related to the magnitude of our thinking. Think big. Now double it.

Application & Thoughts

• Do your most important activities first
• Plan your “3-4 big rocks” the day before
• Don’t multitask
• Make habits 
• Read “The One Thing” by Gary Keller

Read my post on How To Focus On What Really Matters.

21) Shut The Fuck Up And Do Something

There’s so much lost potential of woulda, shoulda, coulda’s. It’s often not the ideas nor capacity that holds someone back in life as much as his own mind.

Who needs enemies when you got yourself, right?

When in doubt just do something. Action will always lead to a result. Whether a bad one or a good one. At least you’re learning. Doing nothing gets you nowhere.

Be courageous enough to do things other people shy away from. Be bold. There’s actually less competition for higher spots because nobody truly believes he is that valuable.

Be a bit delusional about yourself and just throw enough shit against the wall until something finally sticks.

“If you lose at least you tried man. “I failed” is 10x more of a man than someone who said “What if?” because “What if?” never went to the arena” – Greg Plitt

The doubt, insecurity and fear is a temporary price you pay for not being a spectator in life. Not sitting on the sidelines watching your life ooze by – no recollection of current events.

That might be some motivational rambling without real content but in the end there’s only two options you can take after reading this post;

• Action that might give you a chance for something better
• Fear until death & suffering takes you

Take your pick.

Conclusion

I think the content provided is legit although Tai talks a bit (too?) much and therefore doesn’t always stick to the topic. He elaborates a lot about his personal life and repeats different lessons throughout his program.

Another (maybe biased) reason I like this guy is because he’s friends with Elliot Hulse and Owen Cook. Two other men I’ve learned a lot from.

I believe the advice I’ve summarized in this post is the most essential to take away from the 67 steps course.

Thanks for reading my review of the 67 steps. If you liked the 67 steps by Tai Lopez – Let me know in the comments below!

What Did You Learn From The 67 Steps?

– Simon

Update 15/04/2016

Should You Get This Course?

There’s been quite some people now who’ve asked me if there’s going to be more steps or if the 67 steps is really worth its money – So I’m going to try to answer this as honestly as possible (although bias is inevitable if I’m having an affiliate link in the bottom of this article);

I’d say If you haven’t done many self-improvement courses you’ll definitely learn a lot of new insights and it’ll also enable you to deeply reflect on your own actions/life and become more conscious of the actions you need to take for a better life. Especially for mainstream/non self-dev people this can be a real eye-opener.

The biggest take-away for me personally, was the part of “building my career on strengths” and how to discover these. It allowed me to direct my career (web-developing) into a more favorable direction.

My aim was to get wealth (money, cash, ba-bling, $$) when picking up this course, it hasn’t made me rich (yet) but has put me in the right direction from my understanding.

However – I believe that if you understand & integrate the lessons I’ve outlined in this article into your life, then I don’t think you should get the full course though. I’ve found a lot of it to be common knowledge.

Yet – Common knowledge isn’t always common practice and it can often be good to be reminded of essential truths that we forget over time. + I’ve spent 67 bucks on more stupid shit, like video-games & other illegible self-improvement “guru’s”.

Yeah he has a lot of marketing, yeah he’s a smooth talker. But he has the knaawledge to back it up.

So – if you do decide to get the 67 step course after reading  this article, consider purchasing it through this link. It’s an affiliate link, meaning I’ll get a small % of your purchase – the price stays the same though :).

I’d suggest to cancel the future payments immediately though – it’s in the fine print. The VIP coaching calls & book summaries are not that great. That money is IMO better spent on buying & reading the books he recommends. Which overall have the highest ROI.

Then again I’m a cheapass.

Take care,

<3

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” – Alvin Toffler

 

I’ve always hated learning in school. Hated it with a passion.

Math, Chemistry, Physics, …

Oh! and ESPECIALLY literacy. 

Ugh..

Reading? Me?

Not in a million years would I touch a book! Let alone like it…

Now?

It’s all I do practically.

In school I never saw how the things I was studying were going to benefit me – apart from “getting a degree” – and therefore associated learning with a waste of my time. But after quitting video games and getting my life back on track I realized the value in absorbing the knowledge of others.

It allows you to simulate the future and avoid mistakes others have made before. In this way you can “stand on the shoulders of giants” by tapping into the collective knowledge of great minds.

Yet we’ve never learned how to optimally absorb information. We’ve always skipped the “why” and the “how” to cram in the “what”.

In this post I’ll go over my most effective methods for storing information that will hyper-accelerate your life.

Let’s Go.

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There’s three main parts to absorbing information optimally. These are

• Acquisition (initial learning)
• Retention (storing of the material in your long-term memory)
• Recalling (utilizing what’s stored when appropriate)

I’ve developed for myself a method that I’ve compiled from several different sources to find a way in which I can combine these three ingredients.

In the model I’ll be presenting, they’re efficiently integrated

There’s 5 parts to this method;

1. State
2. Map
3. Acquire
4. Repeat
5. Teach

I could’ve used other words but this acronym “SMART” will stick better in your mind and you’ll actually be able to remember it, especially if I throw in a fancy info-graphic like so;

BOOM! – will stay in your head forever.

I know you love color ♥

Let’s not waste time and dive right into it, shall we?

1) State

The first thing you’ll want to check when you’re learning something new is how you’re feeling. Assessing your state before you do constructive work is key in absorbing the information optimally.

If you don’t feel alert, focused nor motivated to study the material – don’t even start.

You’ll get distracted, disoriented and otherwise fail to really retain the information.

Learning requires a lot of brain power so get a good nights rest and fix your diet before attempting a bit more mental challenging work.

Onward..

How?

Ask yourself the following questions

Alert & Focused?

• Am I feeling awake & clear?
  Stay awake: Put on music, do 20 push-ups and drink four glasses of cold water. Not working? Take a power-nap & try again
• Am I multitasking? -> Stop.
• Are all controllable distractions removed?

Now that we’ve established some nice clean focus and have quit multitasking we’re able to start investing in the task at hand. Ask yourself the following;

Why?

• How will I use this information to improve my life quality/move me closer to my goals?
• What questions will this material answer?

You should have a reason for studying set material. Your brain won’t engage out of itself. We’re lazy, remember? This is exactly why you’ll need some solid reasons to justify this energy investment,

If you don’t, you shouldn’t engage in the activity.

Any activity that doesn’t enhance your life quality isn’t worth your time. – My Opinion

Alright!

Clean focus? Check!
Distractions? Gone!
Motivation? Yup!

Last thing we need will be to set a;

Time limit & Reward?

• How much time will I spend on this?
  Avoid expanding the work according to the time allotted (Parkinson’s Law) Focus on a time limit instead of a page count to avoid prioritizing speed over comprehension
• Tie a tangible incentive to the activity(ies).
  Self-regulation is one of the best ways to sustain positive behavior. (I use south park episodes, warm bath, buying stuff, … . I’m sure you can figure something out.)

2) Map

Alright, part two!

Here you’ll “map out” where this piece of information will fit into your
“bigger picture”. Often we just dive right into the material without really knowing what we’re learning about. This makes us lose our overview of the material fairly quickly.

You can compare it to completing a puzzle. You’re working on the individual parts but don’t really have any idea of where to place them nor have any idea of what you’re working towards.

How?

Skimming & Skipping

Start a book by reading the cover, back, contents, introduction chapter and the conclusion at the back. This way you’ll get a much better idea of what the book is about. Then proceed to mark the chapter(s) you estimate will answer the questions you’re having (see part 1)

Read these first – Skip the rest.

Who says you have to read a whole book?

We mostly think that by skipping we’re losing valuable information but much of it is just filler. Regular non-fiction books contain about 3-4 “gold nuggets”, but who would buy a 10-page book for only that right?

Some say to “speedread” books but I’ve found this to be largely ineffective. I’d use speedreading for skimming only.

It requires you to stop sub-vocalizing, stop regressing, don’t take notes and read as fast as possible. When you do these things comprehension simply goes to shit and you’ll rarely remember details that are applicable in your life nor will you be able to use the information in your daily life.

“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia” – Woody Allen

Forming neural pathways (memorizing stuff) takes time to build. Synapses grow stronger by frequent usage and spreading in time. (Same reasons why “cramming” before tests is pointless in the long-run)

Alright, now we have our “big picture” time to see where this can be placed by

Categorizing!

When you have the outline of the material you’ll have to categorize the information to improve recall.

You can compare it to an archive. All the information in your head normally stored by throwing it all on a pile together. Your finances are on top of your information on health, your skills are flowing into your knowledge on social life.

It’s a mess really.

Categorizing means you’re not throwing them on a pile but stacking them neatly in categorized boxes so you’ll know where to look.

I personally use the “7 Areas Of Life” to create 7 different categories and matching sub-categories in Onenote. It’s a nifty piece of software that allows you to store images, text, drawings, excel sheets, audio, links, unicorns and whatnot.

It’s like a color coded infinite binder of epic proportions far outshining Evernote

In this archive I try to find an “expert approach” (the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance) to my health, my relationships, my wealth, my legacy, my energy, my mindset and my learning to optimize my life quality.

I try to create a “blueprint” that’ll get me the life I want.

I highly recommend everyone to create their own archive. By organizing your information you’ll train your brain to map itself in different categories. This way it’s easily accessible, scalable and you can quickly retrieve information when you’re struggling with a problem.

It’s one of the best tools for learning I’ve found to date. (Thanks Ludvig)

Find what categories you can use to make your learning easier. You should know your categories thorough so you’ll never have to look long to find something you want to recall.

Mine currently looks like this;

I use it to;

• Store my code of conduct (who I want to become)
• Keep of list of habits I want to implement
• Skills I want to learn
• My workouts and diet plan
• People I want to meet/stay in touch with and their emails
• Reviews of books & books I want to read
• List of new words
• Subjects I’m studying
• Scientific studies I can refer to during arguments (I call this category; “Proving people wrong”) ;)
• Morning & evening ritual/weekly reflections
• Dealing with emotions/recurring problems
• Reminders
• How to networks online and offline
• Email templates
• Bucket list and relaxing activities
• New blogpost ideas
• …

If you have a smart-phone you can even access your OneNote Archive on the go and review it during commuting, toilet breaks, waiting lines, sex, …

 

3) Acquire

Alright, now we’ve gotten everything in place.

It’s go-time.

Now is the time to focus down on the pre-selected chapters and read for comprehension whilst taking notes.

To improve recall even further we’re going to apply;

Coding!

Code the things you learn by storing it in your memory in different forms, this will make it increasingly more memorable.

How?

Acronyms

These are abbreviations formed from the initial components into a phrase or word.

For Example;

• SWOT-Analysis, FBI, NATO, …
• Remembering Notes

Visuals

Most of us are visual learners yet rarely get the chances to use these capabilities in school yet our capacity for visual learning is near limitless. Be sure to include drawings and images that will help you memorize the material better. Create info-graphics, drawings, paint, whatever to illustrate your ideas. 

I”m really into Piktochart lately.

Memory Palace

Method of Loci or “Memory Palace” is a cool visual technique which uses familiar locations to anchor key material into your mind. In this video Jim Kwik will guide you trough the process of remembering the 10 most important factors for boosting brain power using this method (Starts at 12:30)

Color

Use different colored markers whilst reading to code the things you’re learning. Make up your own code. When reading books I like to use yellow for key ideas, orange for new words, pink for quotes.

When taking notes I use pink for big headlines, green for sub-headlines, yellow for key ideas again and orange for new words.

Metaphors/Analogies

These are used to associate information with concepts that are already known to you. I used the analogy of a color coded infinite binder a few paragraphs back to explain what OneNote can do for you.

It’s a figure of speech that directly equates two things (thanks Wikipedia)

For example;

• “To grasp a concept” 
  You can’t physically touch a concept yet understanding something is hereby equated to “grasping it”

Mindmaps

A great way to combine ALL these elements is by making Mindmaps by hand. Mindmapping is a visual diagram used to present information. You’ve probably seen/made some before.

Here’s a Mindmap about..  eh.. making Mindmaps;

There are also some software programs that can be used to create Mindmaps. The ones I’d recommend are;

• Mindjet MindManager (Paid, Free Trial)
• XMind (Free, PRO-option)

It supposedly saves time compared to linear notes and is better at storing information since it mimics the natural association-like cobweb-patterns of our brain.

Honestly? I don’t use it often. But when in doubt; Do both. Just for repetitions sake.

Which brings me into the next part;

4) Repeat

Alright, what’s next?

Now you have this huge archive it’s time to distill the most practical advice in an organized, coded fashion in OneNote so all you need to do it to rehearse it regularly to keep it fresh in your mind.

Synapses grow stronger by frequent usage & spreading in time, remember?

Repetition is KEY!
Repetition is KEY!
Repetition is KEY!

I personally use a different section in my OneNote archive I call “Essence” in which I store all this practical information. I’m working on making it a habit to review this part weekly.

Use recall (simply look away and see what you remember) to test the practical information you’ve stored.

5) Teach

They say the best way to learn something is by teaching it to others. (Like I’m doing with this method)

I’ve found this to be more than true. Teaching forces you to truly understand and simplify what you’ve learned to pass on the knowledge.

How?

Find out what your best learning style is and figure out how you can convey your message in an understandable way for the persons you’re teaching. Maybe even use a medium to share this on the internet?

I learn best individually by reading and taking notes and therefore I’ve picked up blogging.

• You too? Start A Blog
• Favor speaking? Go for YouTube
• Better In Group? Join A Class

Just find a way to easily teach the things you’ve acquired to others and it’ll be stored permanently in your mind.

That’s it! That’s “all” you need to do.

héhé.

Essence

Kudos for sticking in there! – quite a meaty article. But I’m sure it’ll benefit you a lot in the long-term.

So..

What should you take away from this post?

1. Define Your State
   • Are You Alert & Focused?
   • What’s Your Why? (Questions & Motivation)
   • Set A Time Limit & Incentive/Reward
2. Map Your “Big Picture”
   • Skim & Skip (Speedreading)
   • Read Front, Back, Contents, Intro & Conclusion
   • Categorize In OneNote
3. Acquire The Information
   • Prioritize Chapters
   • Code
   • Take Notes (Linear & MindMaps)
4. Repeat The Essentials
   • Condense most practical
   • Review regularly
5. Teach It To Others
   • Learning style

——————————————————————————–

Let’s face it; school is pretty much done.

It’s dated, it’s ineffective and down-right useless besides some arbitrary skills. The methods used are far from optimal let alone specialized enough.

• Information retention from schooling is negligible
• Motivation to learning stops after graduation
• Creative thought is discouraged, only regurgitation of impractical fluff
• …

We haven’t become skilled, autonomous people but mindless fools.

Don’t be a mindless fool.

Self-education is the real trick to get your act together. It beats schooling in all areas: expertise, cost, speed, practicality, simplicity, …

We live in an information age where your brainpower is everything.

The way you manage your thoughts and the speed at which you learn will define the quality of your life. Discard the useless, acquire what’s practical and repeat until mastery.

If you’re not using your learning capabilities to your utmost capacity you’ll be left behind considerably, especially at the rate we’re advancing currently.

This method will help combat that and keep you at the top of your game

At. All. Times.

Stay strong & Take care,

– Simon

---

 

Sources

• The Truth About Speed Reading. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://lifehacker.com/the-truth-about-speed-reading-1542508398
• Improve Your Learning and Memory.: Visual Memory Has Astounding Capacity. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://thankyoubrain.blogspot.be/2009/04/visual-memory-has-astounding-capacity.html
• Oakley, B. (n.d.). Coursera – Free Online Courses From Top Universities. Retrieved from https://www.coursera.org/course/learning
• Sunström, L. (2014). How to Use Your OneNote to Create Your Commonplace. Retrieved from http://www.startgainingmomentum.com/how-to-use-onenote-to-create-your-commonplace/
• Brysbaert, M. (2006). Psychologie. Gent: Academia Press.
• Buzan, T. (2006). Mind mapping. Harlow: BBC Active.
• Buzan, T. (1989). Speed reading: State of the art techniques to improve your reading speed and comprehension based on the latest discoveries about the human brain. New York, N.Y.: Plume.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman

 

I recently stumbled upon this article called “the top five regrets of the dying” and was wondering how many people are using this as a checklist by which they’re shaping their life.

Here’s a quick overview;

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Case in point: In our pursuit of a better life for ourselves we often forget the things that are most important to us and we get stuck in a pattern of short-term thinking.

Life quality is comprised out of the way we choose to allocate our time.

We’re trapped in the endless duality between stoicism (sacrifice today for a better tomorrow) and epicureanism (savor today since tomorrow may never come) and it’s difficult to define what way of living is the “right way”.

Everyone is looking to maximize their life quality, right?

Happiness, fulfillment, purpose, health, dancing across the rainbow on our pink unicorns and so-forth..

But none of us is really sure how to approach this in an optimal way.

Introducing: The 80/20 YOLO-rule.

——————————————————————-

The 80/20 YOLO-Rule

It means you spend;

• 80% of your time in highly structured, constructive routine to work towards your goals (stoicism)
• 20% of your time in novel activities that “spike” you out of neural adaptation (epicureanism) 

Here’s how this thing works;

The bulk of your time will go to habits that steadily increase your health, wealth, social life, mental health (building skills), build a legacy and give you a stronger mindset. (outer circle)

The undivided rest will go to breaking out of these constructive – yet routine – actions by introducing novelty in your life (energy)

Why 80% constructive routine?

Most of us have build routines over the years. But if you haven’t put any constructive thought into it, chances are they suck.

big time.

Here’s what the average life looks like;

• Wake up; drink coffee & cram in sugar
• Get to work (mostly, a good, comfortable and respected job)
• Come home & watch tv to “unwind”.
• Eat more high-sugar, high-fat foods
• Hang out at the bar with your 3-4 friends on the weekends rooting for the local soccer team (or watch more tv/series)

Give or take, that’s 90% of western countries.

Destructive habits like drinking, drugs, excessive pursuit of sex, video-games, tv, fastfood and so-forth.

We don’t indulge in success habits that could elevate our life to a higher level but dabble in instant gratification activities that only makes us feel good for a short time.

Set-up 80% of your life into structured habits that have been proven to increase your life quality in each of the areas above.

• Read x times a day and summarize what you read
• Go to the gym x days a week
• Cook healthy food in bulk twice a week
• Network one hour a day
• Keep in touch with good friends by using engagement and openness
• Wake up early and do a morning ritual
• Dress your best every single day
• Do meaningful work x hours a week
• Spend x hours a day in an activity you can lose yourself in
• Relax each evening with a passion/activity you enjoy (reward)

Build these habits up step by step

Why 20% YOLO?

As we age, the “spark” we had when we were younger gradually diminishes. We lose our wonder for the world and get trapped in “bad” routine (like I explained above).

We’re effectively becoming numb plant-zombies over time.

By continuously doing the same repetitive patterns we become habituated to our environment. We don’t “spike” anymore since we don’t register the different stimuli anymore, making our brains disengage from life. (and our subjective life-span shorter)

Even “good” routine can do this to our brains.

Point being: Do something of the beaten path once in a while. You’re not really living if you don’t feel alive once in a while.

Solution?

Excitement 

We should actively pursue activities that disrupt our normal thinking to avoid “growing stale” or disengaging from life.

Engagement can be found in novelty mainly. Whether these are challenges, new locations, new skills, new people, fears we overcome and so-forth..

Novelty is exactly what we’ll use to fill up the remaining 20% of our time to take a refreshing break from our constructive routine.

I’ve found it’s especially comfort zone challenges that quickly do the trick (although excitement can be found in other activities)

What’s that? Want some examples?

Here’s 20;

1. Shout in public
2. Lie on the floor of a busy public space for ten seconds
3. Talk to an attractive girl
4. Do a handstand in the train station (if you can do one)
5. Run around town half-naked
6. Do public speaking
7. Make a video, upload it to YouTube and publish it on your Facebook page
8. Take a cold shower
9. Travel
10. Destroy something with explosives
11. Shave off all your hair (if you’re a man)
12. Go for a run in the rain with very loud music
13. Take off your shirt in a public space
14. Write a bucket list and do one activity
15. Go for a walk barefoot at night
16. Tell a woman you just met you have a really really small penis
17. Go for a nighttime swim in a river
18. Do 10 push ups in a nightclub
19. Knock at a random house and start a conversation
20. Do a YES-Man challenge

Uh-uh, you’re feeling it right? That’s the adrenaline induced by the visualization of those activities.

Oooh the shame… the judgement…. the social rejection…

Do it regardless.

Do it for the sake of doing it.

It’s stimulating, it’s engaging and it’s exactly what we need once-in-a-while to get us out of auto-pilot.

In the end you’ll realize no-one really gives a shit about your actions. We’re all too invested in our-self to really care about what anyone else is doing.

OR you could just stay in your comfort zone, rotting away in your self-created mental cage with the rest of the plant-zombies. Since frankly, that’s the only two options you have;

• Overcome the bullshit in your head and have a chance at a great life
• Give in and let your surroundings grind you into the dirt

Difficult choice eh?

Need some more inspiration for breaking the pattern?

Create some mental contrast between these men and you;

• Remi gaillard
• Nathan Barnatt
• Frank Yang

Essence

In our daily encumbers we lose the bigger picture of what’s truly important to us. We fall into destructive routine that gets us nowhere.

This is my way of balancing stoicism vs epicureanism to maximize life quality.

Here’s what I want you to take away (and apply) from this article;

• Routinize 80% of your life in constructive habits that’ll actually get you somewhere in the long-term.
• Spend 20% of your life in novel activities that negate neural adaptation and make you feel alive.
• Track progress and highlights in a journal to create what Daniel Kahneman calls “memory happiness”.

That’s all.

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If you think this post can help out anyone you know – don’t forget to share with your imaginary friends or send it in a mail to your mom. If you’re having more questions, be sure to leave them in the comment section below and I’ll get to you asap.

Take care,

Simon

 

 

 

“You Shouldn’t Believe Everything People Tell You” – Abraham Lincoln

 

No-one really knows what’s best for you – and most don’t care either. Make your own best guess to what will provide you long-term happiness.

How so? Here’s the long explanation;

The world is constantly speeding up faster and faster.

The unseen rate of technological improvements, the current demographic explosion, global warming, the economic shift to Asia and so-on.

Manual labor jobs are being automatized and/or replaced by robots, IT-work is being outsourced to low-cost developing countries, retail stores have to slim down or cut costs to compete with the ever-growing array of  e-commerce stores like amazon.com, alibaba.com and many more to come.

The world isn’t going to be the same place as it has always been.

It’s going fast and it’s going hard, leaving many behind.

But, where?

I don’t think anybody really knows and we’re all just making our most educated guess for the future (me included)

So today I stopped and wondered if we’re going in the right direction and what you can do to be more prepared for what’s coming in order to maximize life quality.

From what I’ve seen we’re not doing that great overall;

• Rising rates of obesity & other related health issues
• Rising unemployment rates
• Economic inequality
• Lack of direction/meaning resulting in escapism-type behaviors (alcohol, video games, partying, tv, fastfood, travel …) (in excessive quantities off course)
• …

Doesn’t sound all that great, right? Life quality could be (a lot?) better IMO.

To say my generation is lost, might be an overstatement, but not that far from the truth in my eyes. I’ve seen an absence of firm identity in many peers, a misguided direction in adults and policies, leading to destructive behavior in the long-term.

And frankly? there’s not really much being done about it.

I’ve found it troublesome.

Anyway, we can go the hippy tree-hugging route of wanting to change the world and its policy…

but on second thought, let’s not.

The point I’m going to be addressing in this post will be our un-adapted education model for this “new” future and what you can “should” be doing/focusing on in preparation.

———————————————————-

Where are we going at the moment?

The focus we’re having at the moment (on a big scale) is to increase the welfare of our individual countries.

Welfare, mmm… Sounds great right?

If that’s our long-term focus how come we’re not seeing the desired results? The life quality we all are looking for?

I believe it’s in the way we measure it.

At the moment we’re measuring the welfare of a country in GDP (gross domestic product).

(Not to be confused with G4P)

Basically this is just a measuring stick for the overall economy of a country.

By focusing on this GDP as measuring stick for “welfare” – as a result, government policy is directed  towards increasing this value.

Cual es el problema with this?

“When we take money as the sole indicator for progress all our actions will be geared towards that”

IMO, the GDP is a lousy indicator for welfare. After your basic needs have been taken care off (security, food, shelter, …) it doesn’t add any relative change anymore to life quality.

And in our current modernized, westernized, societies; do we have a serious lack in these basic needs?

I – for the most part – believe not and therefore our focus should be re-directed to a better measurement stick for welfare (at least for more developed countries)

A study done by Daniel Kahneman concluded that “high income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being beyond a certain point”

“When plotted against log income, life evaluation rises steadily. Emotional well-being also rises with log income, but there is no further progress beyond an annual income of ~$75,000.

 

Low income exacerbates the emotional pain associated with such misfortunes as divorce, ill health, and being alone.

 

We conclude that high income buys life satisfaction but not happiness, and that low income is associated both with low life evaluation and low emotional well-being.”

Beyond the overall point of 75 000$/year (6250$ month) we don’t see an increase in emotional well-being nor life evaluation .

Anyway..

The point I’m trying to make in this part is this; Beyond the point that our basic needs are provided for, we’re not seeing a rise in life satisfaction for increased income (Easterlin Paradox).

Measuring our “welfare” based on GDP is therefore inaccurate or even irrelevant.

The story of the Mexican fisher is a great illustration of the vanity of mere money-seeking in the pursuit of higher life quality.

So, what should we measure welfare in?

Where should we be going?

I’ve recently been introduced to a concept called the GNH ( Gross National Happiness) which measures progress of a country based on an expanded array of metrics instead of solely relying on increasing the GDP

(It’s about the concept not the actual content of the video ;))

By including additional different qualitative and quantitative metrics like consumer debt, purchasing power, health, pollution, surveys of social contentment and so-on, we’re able to change our focus (and in turn change our policies) to get an actual rise in life quality .

But that’s mostly just speculation.

Point being; Our focus is off which makes our policy off and the biggest problem I’ve seen with this is in our education.

We’re preparing our youth for a future in which they can work and increase the GDP (like we’ve always been doing), since our whole policy revolves around that.

It used to be somewhat relevant for its previous function; creating order-taking, obedient workers to accommodate the industrial revolution.

As Alvin Toffler put it;

Built on the factory model, mass education taught basic reading,
writing, and arithmetic, a bit of history and other subjects. This was the “overt curriculum.”

 

But beneath it lay an invisible or “covert curriculum” that was far more basic.

 

It consisted—and still does in most industrial nations—of three courses: one in punctuality, one in obedience, and
one in rote, repetitive work. Factory labor demanded workers who showed up on time, especially assembly-line hands. It demanded workers who would take orders from a management hierarchy without questioning.

 

And it demanded men and women prepared to slave away at machines or in offices, performing brutally repetitious
operations.

But now? With the current trends it has become obsolete for the future (more so than ever)

So my conclusion of our current policy and adjacent educational system?

• It is NOT focused on your individual happiness/life quality (never been either)
• It is NOT focused on your long-term economic stability (we no longer need “obedient workers” nor will they thrive economically)

I believe a drastic change is needed in the way we start to think about our own life in the future.

First up: Take more responsible choices for your own life quality instead of following covert curriculum from people who – frankly – don’t care all that much about you.

Don’t fall for the trap that people who are older and “more experienced” than you know what’s best for your life. Most of the time they don’t have a clue either.

Second: Don’t slave away the best years of your life to fulfill obsolete policies in undersized cubicles. Make your own financial judgments for long-term happiness. Having a ” secure job” is a thing of the past. 

(Although for many this has become a key structural element in their life – a conditioned psychological “need”)

“For many people, a job is crucial psychologically, over and above the paycheck. By making clear demands on their time and energy, it provides an element of structure around which the rest of their lives can be organized” – Alvin Toffler

Summary?

MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!

How To Mind Your Own Business And Be Happy

School “prepares” youth for a future that won’t exist anymore at the speed at which things are going.

Solution?

Mind your own business by meeting the requirements for your own happiness. 

From what I’ve read so far I conclude there are five main pillars for long-term happiness you should be striving for.

1. Mindset (High self-esteem and a positive outlook in life)
2. Basic Needs (A baseline of health, wealth & social life)
3. Meaning (Making positive impact on others trough work or communication)
4. Flow (An activity you can lose yourself in, a “passion”)
5. Growth (Consecutive setting and achieving of personal goals)

How?

Make your best educated guess to what roads will lead you to those destinations. Here’s how I am tackling/have tackled each;

1) Mindset 

I believe in building your life on a solid character-base. Define for yourself what person you want to be and eradicate your mind of negative thought-patterns by changing your beliefs.

We shape our life by the paradigms we choose to look trough.

By persistently visualizing the person you want to become and conditioning your desired beliefs, you’ll rewire the default state of your brain and – over time  – become the person you’ve envisioned.

2) Basic Needs

Get a baseline of your essential needs and steadily maintain each to ensure you can focus on more important things.

Health

Everyone has different standards for what they define as “healthy”. I’d say: experiment and build on your own conclusions. Achieve a baseline you see as acceptable (meaning you aren’t in a state of constant pain/malfunctioning because of health issues)

I do however believe that my post on the 6 laws of a healthy life will help any individual tremendously and would be a great guideline for anyone looking to get started,

Wealth

Like I already stated above: Excess money does not make you happier but a shortage does buy you unhappiness. I believe everyone should have a baseline of wealth that provides them financial independence.

How?

We’re living in a continuously growing information economy (and even attention economy). The person who is knowledgeable AND stands out is capable of creating for himself opportunities to generate vast amounts of wealth.

Let’s face it: A job where you trade your time for money is never going to make you even remotely free (financial independent). I believe you should find/create an opportunity where you can start getting paid for the results of your work and control all the variables (platform, working hours, pricing, conversion, …) yourself.

How?

• First up: Find your natural strengths and see how you can build upon them to create value for others – in a self-controlled setting where you are being paid for your results.
• Secondly: Don’t spend the income you make on material possessions until you’ve built a revenue generating asset column (businesses, brands, cash flows, notes, intellectual properties, rental services, licenses, real estate, inventions, …) that can support your living expenses until these regular incomes have outgrown your monthly expenses and you’ve become financially independent. To many people simply increase their expenses when their income rises, leading to an endless loop.

Social 

Find a baseline of social contact that will make you stop feeling lonely. This is defined as; “a quantitative and/or qualitative lack of social contact”

I believe this baseline is different for everyone. Some people need very little whilst others need it daily. I can go without people for quite a while but I’ve found that 2-3 close friends with whom I meet up weekly add a lot more substance to my life.

Psychology has found that the two most important factors to maintain friendships are openness (talking about stuff that actually matters vs. superficial crap – duh) and engagement (putting in the effort to meet-up – showing you actually care to maintain the relationship)

If you want the friendship in your life, be sure to abide by these two simple rules.

For your love life I believe every man would benefit greatly from reading “The way of the superior man” and watching any video by Owen Cook. After you’ve become better at the skill of relating with and attracting women, then settle for one cute, sexy, funny, whatever girl that can satisfy your needs and go from there.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to waste your time endlessly chasing tail. When you meet a “keeper”, don’t let your penis mess up what could be a great relationship.

However – If you have a high sex drive and you’re tempted to have sex with other women, just tell her that you want to keep seeing/dating other women and be clear about your mutual expectations. Biologically it’s perfectly normal for a man to desire more than one woman (procreation instinct). Some women are cool with this, some are not.

Just make it clear from the start and DON’T make promises you won’t be able to keep. Hold true to character at all times.

3) Meaning

Meaning in your life can be found by making positive impact on others trough work you do. (Or by reading my post on finding purpose in life ;))

Ask yourself the following: What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you have to offer the world? What’s your “gift”?

Not to get whole mellow in this post – but it does make your life a whole lot more worthwhile when you know you’re making a dent in the world, leaving somewhat of a mark at least.

For me at the moment I derive meaning in my life from maintaining this blog and writing about things I believe are important to improve my & your life quality. The same thing I’m trying to communicate to others who engage in escapism-type behaviors.

4) Flow

We all have our unique activities in which we can “lose ourself”. The point in which we are totally immersed in the task at hand and where we lose track of time. Our “passions” so to speak.

From these moments we derive a high sense of satisfaction and emotional well-being.

There are many “follow-your-passion-guru’s” out there that say you should try to make money by doing what you love, I think it’s horrible advice. People pay for having their (perceived) needs satisfied, not what you love to do.

Get the basic financial independence in check like I talked about and THEN focus on what you find meaningful (IF you’re lucky you can combine both – great. But make the financial independence your main objective first and your meaningful activity your part-time hobby)

5) Growth

Now you have your roots deeply planted in the character ethic, you’ve established a positive outlook on life, your basic needs have been taken care off, you’ve found meaningful work to contribute to the world and you spend a lot of time indulging in your passion(s).

Now you’re pretty much left with only one thing to be happy; Keep growing!

Meaning goal setting in all areas of life.

Keep the story of the beggar’s bowl in your mind; human desire is endless, meaning you’ll never “get there”. Happiness isn’t measured in absolutes but relatively – moment to moment progression over time is what’ll provide you long-term happiness.

(although I believe you need the baseline described above in which you aren’t constantly experiencing emotional/physical pain)

The only way to measure relative progression is by continuous growth.

Essence

Anyway, that’s the way I’m approaching my life at the moment, but you might opt for different turns in the road..

The point I’m trying to make is this:

Fill in the blanks to meet the five requirements for your long-term happiness. It’ll make you feel more responsible for your circumstances instead of complaining why the world is not devoting itself to making you happy.

As you go along, adjust and improve your direction by self-education. It allows you to “stand on the shoulders of giants” by learning from the mistakes of others.

Last point?

I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re doing with their life but impose their confused truths on others to affirm what’s working for them (and prove where you – clearly – are going wrong)

Mind your own business I’d say..;

• Global focus – and therefore policy – is misdirected, leading to lower life quality in the long-term. Don’t rely on what others tell you to provide a stable future, they don’t really care.
• Mind your own business by meeting the long-term requirements of happiness;
  • Mindset (high self esteem + positive outlook)
  • Basic Needs (baseline of health, wealth & social)
  • Meaning (find meaningful work to provide value for others)
  • Flow (find an activity in which you can lose yourself)
  • Growth (consecutive achievement of personal goals)
• Use self-education to adjust your direction, become a polymath

Which Of The Five Pillars Are You Struggling With The Most?

Sources

• http://zielonygrzyb.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/limitations-of-gdp-as-welfare-indicator/
• http://bemorewithless.com/the-story-of-the-mexican-fisherman/
• http://spiritual-treasures.blogspot.be/2008/02/beggars-bowl.html
• http://sociodynamics.org/archives/335
• http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/martin-seligman-positive-psychology/
• http://www.crossroadscounsellinggroup.com/resources/ebook/Toffler-ThirdWave-complimentsofCRTI.pdf

 

 

“It is not that we have so little time but that we lose so much. …
The life we receive is not short but we make it so;
we are not ill provided but use what we have wastefully.”

― Seneca

 

Time.

tick-tock tick-tock

We all seem to have so much of it, yet don’t realize how short life actually is.

In the meantime your surroundings keep telling you:

• It’ll all work out in the end…
• You’ll find what you want in life..
• Just keep searching and eventually it will come to you.. (This one is killer haha)
• You’re still young, your whole life is just unfolding – take it slow

Yet those people are never in the position I hope to be one day.

I’m writing this post since we’re approaching the end of the year – for many a memorable experience;

Falling in love, starting a business, getting a promotion, becoming father and so-on.

But for most?

Just another year slipping past…

Another wasted year.

Wasted on watching tv, endlessly chasing money and women, making others rich, worrying about what others are thinking about them or just plain old laziness and lack of direction.

Don’t. Do. This.

Aren’t we all looking to suck the most juice out of our life as possible and rise to our greatest potential in all areas? Happiness, fulfillment, health, money, friends, sex and all that awesome stuff?

Here’s how to put your time to better use and stop wasting your life;

—————————————————————————-

Time Perception

Ever heard someone say; “Wow, the time is flying by!”

The time isn’t actually speeding up – our perception of it just changes.

For Example: When we do boring stuff like sitting in a class we couldn’t care less about, time seems to tick by slowly whist when we’re doing something we enjoy it’s passing by rapidly.

Pretty basic example right?

You hear this especially among older people. When I’m visiting my grandparents they often talk about how there’s another year flown by and how “I’m growing up so fast”

What are you talking about? I’ve been wishing for ages that I could do all the “cool stuff” adults could like driving a car, exclusive parties, sex, travelling solo, living alone, …

But it’s not that time is going faster but as we grow older, there are factors that make it so.

Chronologically speaking we remember the most of our life from the ages of 10 to 30 compared to the years that come after that. This is called the reminiscence bump.

This is caused by the facts that;

• Our memory hasn’t fully developed at earlier ages (childhood amnesia)
• That period has the most impact on our life when it comes to choices
• It’s most likely filled with unique events

After that period we have another spike of our most recent events.

But the time beyond our thirties (on average) is more difficult to remember..

Why is this?

We’ve experienced a lot of unique events already and have become neurally adapted to “new” stimuli.

Most external and internal experiences are new for young children, while most experiences are repetitive for adults.

 

Children have to be extremely engaged (i.e. dedicate many neural resources or significant brain power) in the present moment because they must constantly reconfigure their mental models of the world to assimilate it, and properly behave from within.

 

On the contrary, adults may rarely step outside of their mental habits and external routines. When an adult frequently experiences this over-stimulation of the same stimuli, their brain renders it “invisible” because the brain has already sufficiently and effectively mapped those stimuli.

 

This phenomenon is known as neural adaptation.

Meaning we don’t store many “new” experiences after 30 since our brain doesn’t register them anymore.

Our brain doesn’t store events chronologically in a huge database like computers can. We store only what’s significant/useful.

Although this is quite useful to save brain processing power – Here’s the problem with this;

The length of our life is represented in our mind by a story.

It’s made up by the chronological anchor-points/events that we can remember. And since we become increasingly incapable of storing new memories (trough neural adaptation) and additionally forget more old experiences by the deterioration of our brain cells trough aging, drinking, drugs, bad food and so-on, it makes our life seem shorter than it actually is.

Disengagement

Additionally I’ve noticed in many people that as they grow older they slowly disengage from life;

Watching more tv, going less outside, consume less information, get stuck in routine and slowly turn into plants. “Settling down” as they call it.

Basically they stop seeking new stimuli.

Maxwell Maltz talked about this concept in his book “Psycho-Cybernetics” where he observed people between the ages of 40 and 50 and noted that some started to look and behave “old” whilst others continued to act and look “young” based on the perception they had of themselves and the “drive” they had in life.

“It is not retiring from a job that kills men, it is retiring from life.” – Maxwell Maltz

Our body supplies the energy/vitality required for the anticipated events. If you have no particular goals/aspirations or are too stuck in routine your body will start to shut-down/disengage.

Without meaning we vegetate

I personally know an entrepreneur well past his forties who’s still excited and dances/talks until 4 AM and jumps over barbed wired fences on nightly swamp-walks with me.

The man looks vibrant and alive.

Conversely I know a man well under middle-age who drags his feet, slumps over and does nothing useful with his time besides playing video games, going to bars and watch tv.

He looks much older than he is and seems fatigued all the time.

Ever heard of the principle: Use it or lose it?

In terms of the mind (which produces the “zest” to live) it’s definitely true.

I conclude that we don’t age primarily because time passes (although partially) we age mentally because we;

• Forget old experiences (neural degeneration)
• Don’t store new ones (neural adaptation & wasteful activities)
• Disengage (we don’t aspire to anything in the future)
• Self-Perception (we see ourselves as “old” and create self-fulfilling prophecies  and our body responds accordingly (see post on How Visualization Shapes Your Life)

Result?

Our body loses a reason to stay alive and deteriorates slowly.

Who wants that?

I don’t.

And I’m guessing you don’t really want that either..

Solution?

How To Live Longer!

ENGAGEMENT!

(And with that I don’t mean you should look for a woman to be happy..)

I’m talking about keeping the mind active by continuously pursuing new, cognitive/physical/social/financial undertakings that stimulate you into growing as a human being.

(e.g. – Not becoming a plant-zombie)

• Pick up a new hobby
• Write a new book
• Build a new website
• Change your gym
• …

My grandfather is approaching 80 years of age and is still very active by working in his garden, building little wooden huts and so-on. He always has something going on that keeps his mind active.

I can have deep, meaningful conversations with him about life, family, work ethic, purpose and love.

He is engaged

Conversely – he has known men and women who are far below his age that have been dead for already 20+ years by living a mediocre, disengaged lifestyle.

They lived disengaged

“Alright Simon, sounds good! Any tips on staying engaged?”

Engaging In The Present

How can we avoid wasting our time & stay engaged in life?

Work

In the book “7 Habits Of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey I was introduced to where everyone should be spending his time by doing “first things first”

It’s a really easy concept that says we should focus our time (entirely) on quadrants one and two.

Basically it’s continuously working on your goals to get where you want to be. Progress is what will generate more life and make you happy and fulfilled.

Focus on what really matters and eliminate the inessential completely;

• Unimportant relationships
• Excess sleeping
• TV, video games, reading fiction (most of it)
• Facebook, mails, non-goal related websites, …
• …

Anticipate

Additionally to your goals it’s recommended to keep a bucket list and a vision board. This will induce your desire for the future.

A bucket list is basically a list of all the things you want to do before you die.

For example;

• Skydiving
• Wakeboarding
• Make a million
• Threesome
• …

A vision board is a mental reminder of the future you are working towards. Since we act according to the image we have of the life we desire, our altitude (succes-level) is partly created by our thoughts. (think big – get big, right?)

Here’s mine;

 

here are some more examples

Play

Conversely by doing this we’ll be draining our mental battery life and need to re-charge fairly often. Leisure isn’t meant for mere pleasure or enjoyment but to increase our efficiency at working on our goals.

Here’s a short story to illustrate what relaxation can do for your productivity;

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.
“What are you doing?” you ask.
“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”
“You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”
“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”
“Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”
“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

Make sure you make time for true re-creation to re-charge.

• Deep breathing
• Taking a warm bath with scents (really recommended)
• Listening to an audio book
• Music
• A high quality movie
• Spending time with important friends
• Spending time with your girlfriend
• …

(I call it the 80-20 YOLO-rule)

Never go full YOLO.

In our society where instant gratification is widely available and continuously enforced it’s easy to succumb to our more primitive desires for mere pleasure. (and that’s what most our doing – leading eventually to decay)

But by rewarding long-term, goal-oriented effort we’ll be conditioning this behavior and make it more likeable to re-occur in the future.

So that’s the first part of living longer: Negating neural adaptation by staying engaged and eliminating wasteful activities.

The second part is to negate neural degeneration (mainly forgetting) by simply

Recollecting The Past

Journaling

Creating a journal is one of the most effective methods I’ve discovered to increase the amount of good memories you can keep. By writing down experiences, thoughts and drawing images in your journal you create anchor points that expand the subjective length of your life.

I’ve been journaling for a whole year now and has enabled me to continuously reflect on what I’m doing and what I need to do. Basically it keeps you on track and stores great memories.

Random Entry;

Not that one .

Hahaha – that one neither.

Ok – 31/08/2014 (translated for your convenience ;))

“Today was an interesting day. I’ve been going out yesterday and was noticeably more “grounded” and calm than usual.

 

I’ve had some notable interactions but didn’t quite push myself. I was fun, had good eye contact and good use of voice. At the end of the evening a girl named A. approached me. Short, cute, sexy as fuck. I talked really slowly and confident and kept our eyes locked. I kissed her in less than a minute. Was fun – cool experience.

 

I called her today (good) but she didn’t pick up since there was something wrong with her voice apparently (booo). note: talk more clearly and slowly when you go out – seems to work.

 

Don’t know what’ll happen when we meet up again – we’ll see.

 

Additionally I’ve been reading, blogging (almost 50 likes on facebook -> nice!) Also haven’t eaten anything today since I wanted to try out some fasting.

 

Maybe turn this into a habit? -> Research

 

Tomorrow; Cardio HIIT, Cooking: Meal Prep, Schooltask, Pay gym membership”

 

I didn’t actively remember this until I re-read it just now. If I hadn’t stored it in my journal it might have been lost for ever.

Some tips when journaling

• Write before 21:00 (more recalling and less brain fatigue)
• JWS (just write something – even when you don’t have much to say. This way you can sustain the habit)
• Write manually (or try manual & digital and see what works for you)
  • Upsides:  Drawing, creative, easily portable, old-school feeling, physical copy, ∞ battery life
  • Downsides: No CTRL+F to find entries, no video, audio or links, not password protected, writing is slower than typing
• Useful Questions
  • What did I do today?
  • What made today valuable?
  • Thoughts, ideas, new things learned?
  • What was great about today? (focus on the positive)
  • What were today’s special highlights?
  • What makes tomorrow important?
  • What will I do tomorrow? (3-4 “Big Rocks”)

Here’s an article I wrote a while back about journaling

Highlight Archive

Additionally I also keep a folder on my laptop with all the highlights of my year. It’s just a compilations of videos, audios and photo’s. (basically just an addition to my physical journal)

Here are some entries;

By storing these so-called anchor points we’re able to increase the subjective span of our life.

Additionally keeping track of where you’ve been will serve as a guide for our future. When there’s no recollection of the past, there’s no guidance for the future since our future is build on yesterdays errors.

Keeping a journal/life archive (digital or manual) is something everyone should do imo.

Other things you can do to negate neurodegeneration is by improving your health and increase your self-perception

Essence 

Alright so that’s all I have to say today on getting the most out of your life and spending your time in a useful way. Here’s a short re-cap;

• Negate Neural Adaptation
  • Engage In The Present 
    • Work (Progress towards goals)
    • Play (“true recreation” to increase efficiency – 80/20 YOLO-rule) 
  • Anticipate The Future 
    • Bucket List
    • Vision Board
• Negate Neural Degeneration
  • Recollect The Past 
    • Keep A Journal
    • Highlight Archive
  • Other 
    • Stay healthy
    • Increase Self-Perception

Let’s end with a quotation I compiled from several sources;

Poor is the man never able to unshackle the chains of his instinctual conditioning.

 

Predestined for waste, indulgence and decay is he who’s incapable to recollect yesterdays events, utilize today and anticipate the wonders of tomorrow.

 

Blind of time we waste much of it.

 

 

Merely existing, not living.

 

Don’t be without true pleasure or improvements of the mind – to avoid weeping over the days that will never come again.

Your life is the result of how you choose to spend your time.

Make the right choices to avoid regrets when you get older.

“What’s YOUR strategy to get more out of your life?”

———————————————————-

If you feel like this post can help anyone out that you know, feel free to share it with your friends or send it in a mail to your mom! It helps me out a lot! If you’re having any thoughts or questions on this topic, feel free to share those with me in the comment section below.

Take care,

Simon

“Just be a man”

“Man up son”

Sounds familiar?

I used to get these remarks quite often although I never fully understood what “real” manhood was all about.

Let alone how to be one..

It doesn’t really come with a manual you know… And I got the feeling a lot of men my age are having the same problem.

So..

In this post I’ll be talking about the slow rising pandemic of decreasing manhood, the dangers of masturbation and porn, incessant pursuit of women, the dichotomy of gender roles and what it means in my opinion to rise from boyhood into a full-grown man in our modern day and age.

Basically, a lot to take in – Grab a drink, cup of tea and maybe some notes.

Let’s go..

———————————————————————-

Deterioration Of Manhood

A year or-so back (surprisingly not-so-long ago) I found myself pretty lost in this world. Consumed in a video game addiction, a dependent relationship, ego-centered personality traits and indulged in online porn and (excessive) masturbation.

It resulted in low self-esteem, confusion and the feeling of powerlessness.

I felt like crap basically.

To escape this upcoming depression I tried to compensate the solid foundation I lacked on the inside with an image – a mask – to hide what I had become.

I started to build muscle to impress others (especially women), experimenting with alcohol at parties, creating a “bad boy” image by rebelling at school and even contemplated to get a massive tribal tattoo on my left arm (Thank god I didn’t)

And I’ve actually seen this pattern in many men my age who are drifting aimlessly trough life (to a certain extent).

We try to copy attributes on the outside that appear to be “masculine”.

“We live in a world where we identify only with the things we see outside of ourselves” – Guy Finley

Our lack of proper education on manhood and credible role models has led to the deterioration of manhood. Which has created a deluded image in our modern youth of what a “real man” should be;

• Be strong at all times
• Never show emotion
• Be aggressive and get in fights
• Drink alcohol and do drugs
• A “real man” is big and muscular
• “Fuck hot bitches” & get money
• …

In the modern world manhood is falsely measured by external factors: money earned, power acquired, penis size, accomplishments, amount of women conquered and so-forth.

In my opinion none of these are true.

Manhood isn’t related to the amount of women you’ve slept with,
It can’t be tape-measured by the size of your biceps or your penis,
And it surely isn’t defined by the number in your bank account

Yet I do however see friends, relatives and people online admiring (sometimes even worshiping) these “ideal” men, especially young ones. And therefore copying their (often destructive) behavior

I don’t believe real manhood is defined by anything that can be found outside of yourself. It’s a combination of;

• Character values (Self-defined)
• Clear direction in life (Self-directed)
• Autonomy (Self-supported)

I believe modern men are lost these days – adrift at sea – and for good reasons.

So what is it then..?

Defining Manhood

“A woman simply is, but a man must become” – Camille Paglia

In my opinion manhood is unique for everyone and has to be re-found trough self-introspection. Sam Keen and Joseph Campbell talk in their books (Fire In The Belly and “The Hero With A Thousand Faces” respectively) about the process each boy needs to go trough in order to become a full-grown, self-sustaining man.

These are;

1. Separation
2. Initiation
3. Re-Integration

Let’s take a look..

Separation

The first stage in becoming a man is for the boy to become responsible, independent and self-reliant. That is in my eyes the essence of manhood: autonomy. 

Yet these days we’re constantly being bombarded with tv, media, internet, women, drugs, alcohol and so-forth. They all form distractions which disable us to focus on further developing ourselves.

Do you want to know the worst part of this?

Many never get out of this “distracted state” and stay trapped in it for the rest of their life. A continuous loop of bad choices which leads incrementally deeper down the rabbit hole.

Therefore a boy looking to become a man must isolate himself. Most men boys never get to this point. We’ve been taken care off for the majority of our life and as we grow older our boss/work simply replaces the providing role of our parents.

Birds don’t learn to fly by having their mother bring them all the food they need – They learn to fly by getting pushed out of the nest. It’s fly or die basically.

And if you’ve never taken this fearful step it’ll come back to haunt you in the future.

This can be done by leaving home, travelling far away alone (especially away from women) or any other means to become more autonomous. Only then can he start the discovery of himself whilst building the mental resilience required – which is distinctively masculine.

A man can’t become a self-directed individual with high self-esteem when he’s still reliant on others to feed him or to provide financial support. This will lead him to become helpless and dependent on others.

Initiation

The second step in becoming a full-grown man is to submerge the young boy in traditional masculine rituals and teaching him the classical traits one should possess like courage, honesty, fortitude of mind, leadership,… .

The essence of this is for the boy to create a psychological profile of what a “real” man is – and live accordingly. This will provide the secure sense of identity which allow the man to stand firm trough the troubles of life.

Rites of passage have traditionally marked major life transitions for men (as opposed to women who have been under influence of biological rites like menstruation, childbirth and menopause)

Note: Again, this doesn’t mean that women don’t struggle with their femininity but that’s not the main aim of this post.

Yet these rituals are no-where to be found these days.

In old Spartan traditions young males would be taken from their families to enter the “Agoge” which was designed to produce physically and morally strong males to serve in the Spartan army. It taught essential traits like stealth, loyalty, hunting, morality, pain tolerance, mental rigidity from the age of seven to twenty-one.

It allowed them to develop the psychological profile/image in their mind they could live up to.

But now? What role models do we have?

The ones in teenage-girl-fashion magazines? Bodybuilders? Rappers? – Those are the ones the mainstream media shows continuously as “successful”, “attractive” and “masculine”, pretty much brainwashing the younger generations.

Like I said before; Too many base their sense of self-worth on external factors that aren’t under their control.

This will make them continuously dependent on comparison to others to retrieve some sense of self-worth. They’ll start comparing these external factors to others in order to “measure” their sense of self-worth

• Am I good-looking enough?
• Is my penis big enough?
• Does she want me to have more money?
• Am I tall enough?
• Are women attracted to me?
• …

Only if you look better in comparison to others you’ll be able to retrieve a sense of self-worth out of that. If not – you’ll feel miserable and undeservant. Although these external factors are rarely (if ever) under our own control.

The most important part in this step is to define for yourself a psychological definition/image of what a “real man” is. Base this on internal factors that are under your control. 

This definition will be derived mainly from the people you admire. Your “role models” so to speak. Copy  and combine their belief systems and see yourself transform in your own ultimate version of the ones you admire.

My role models are men like Greg Plitt, Owen Cook and Elliott Hulse. They are based on internal character values that are under their own control.

The way I’ve done this is simply picking five different values I define as masculine and live up to that image. These are;

• Intelligence
• Morality
• Sensitivity
• Strength
• Calmness

See how the focus is shifted to actions/values that are under my control?

I can choose to be intelligent by reading books and by becoming self-educated, I can choose to treat people with integrity and honesty, I can choose to be loving to women and children, I can choose to be strong by exercising willpower and self-discipline, I can choose to be calm by breathing right and meditating.

However..

I can’t always choose to be rich, I can’t always choose to be good looking, I can’t always choose to have great results with women, I can’t always choose to have a huge penis …

See the difference?

Character values are all factors that are under my control. As long as I live up to this definition – I’ve learned to allow myself to feel valuable. The key is to base yourself on character traits that are fitting for your definition of masculinity (since these can differ amongst cultures)

Write it down and read it daily. Visualize how you would be as ideal man and live accordingly.

Personally, I’m not a big fan of initiation rites since they are mostly event-oriented.

• Camping in the woods
• Stabbing yourself (yeah, I’ve actually read a story about this)
• Jumping out of an airplane
• …

Does it really prove anything? If it does – is this feeling truly sustainable or only good for the short-term?

I do – however – see the value in creating your own initiation rite. You can use them for proving to yourself that you live up to these pre-defined values.

Besides that, masculinity (in my opinion) is a constant, evolving process that can’t be defined by a singular event.

We grow into it over time.

Sam Keen said it before;

“Becoming a man is a process, not an event. There’s no such thing as “microwave masculinity”. The rough edges of manhood will be smoothed by time” – Sam Keen

Re-Integration

When this process is done and you’ve become an autonomous, self-defined man you’ll be able to be re-integrated in society. Too many men start their life before they’ve become fully grown man.

Before they’re “ready”

Chasing women, building a business, starting a family, getting children, marrying and losing themselves in those eventually.. since they haven’t build their life on this solid foundation.

““We cannot be comfortable in intimacy with women because we have never been comfortable in being distant from them.” – Sam Keen

There’s a lot of men (maybe even the majority) who define their sense of self-worth according to the relation they have with women, making them dependent on their “approval” in order to feel valuable. This results in them being desperate for sex in order to get confirmation that they are – indeed – a “real man”

Removing this factor will allow you to stand as a strong tree who has his roots firmly planted into the ground – no turbulent winds can knock him down. The interference’s of life will trouble you less, you won’t be tempted to fight ego battles and so-forth.

You’ve become a man.

Meaning

Once you got this strong sense of identity you’ll have to start figuring out what direction you should take in your life. It’s another defining trait in masculinity.

Hence why men in suits are so appealing. They are actually doing shit in their life and making a difference.

Another masculine image is that of football players or soldiers that are running over the field – determined and focused on their goal.

Find your strengths and interests and see how you can make impact on the world around you into work that you find meaningful.

I’m quite introverted, good at writing and have learned a lot about self-improvement the past year and I’ve noticed that the knowledge I have can actually be used by other men trying to find their way in life. – So that’s exactly what I’m doing for now.

What are your strengths and interests? And how can you combine those two to create impact on the world – some meaningful work?

It’s something you’ll have to keep redefining continuously as the vision for your end-goal in life changes. Stay on this re-defining track and don’t let yourself be discouraged or – even worse – distracted

Many men sacrifice their life’s direction in order to pursue a family/woman instead of making impact on the world by doing more important work. They blindly follow whatever chaotic direction he’s offered by his spouse unthinking if this is actually the best choice.

As David Deangelo said : Stay your own course!

If you don’t know your direction yet – your “purpose” so to say. Don’t panic. Purpose is not an event but a process that evolves trough trial and error. If you haven’t yet found meaning in your life, just choose one thing that seems important for now.

Finding passion/purpose/meaning/worthwhile work is a process. Just keep redefining what you believe to be is the most important contribution you can make to the world.

Sam Keen said it before:

“There is no easy formula for determining right and wrong livelihood, but it is essential to keep the question alive”

Experiment, adjust and re-define.

Women & Pick-Up

And that’s basically all women are looking for: A autonomous, purpose-driven man.

Become attractive by building yourself up trough self-improvement.

Many confused boys try to master their “pick-up skills” which are – again – those outside factors to seduce women to sleep with them, which in turns “confirms” their masculinity.

But instinctively women know when you’re not “firm” in your own self-belief and don’t have clarity in your life. You might fool them for a week, a month or even a year but never for a full lifetime.

The cracks in your mask will eventually begin to show.

That’s exactly why they test you in clubs. Little jabs in order to see if they can rely on you, that you’re able to support them if they would start a relationship with you.

Ever had remarks like;

• Why are you talking to me?
• Hahaha, you’re cute and adorable!
• What’s wrong with your hair? It’s ridiculous
• You don’t own a car and you’re 20 already? (This is the latest one I’ve gotten)
• …

These little jabs are actually a good sign. It means they’re testing you because they see potential.

Although they can be frustrating at time, they’re – from an evolutionary perspective – necessary.

Why?

Women’s role is as gatekeeper to sex and reproduction. Therefore they check for reliability in these tests. It will ensure strong offspring that will stand the test of time. Our natural aversion from low confidence, no symmetry in faces, fluttering eye contact and body language are ingrained in our brain.

They are all clear indicators that you’re not “valuable” as a man to procreate with.

Women care little about status, looks (although some indicators of health), wealth, possessions and all that stuff these days. They look “under the hood”. Immediately judging strength of will, character and vitality.

And they’re good at this, so you better have “your shit together” when you meet. These tests push you to become better by self-development – which is a great thing.

But most men don’t do this.

They don’t know who they are nor where they are going with their life. They’re confused and guided only by their primitive instincts for most of the time.

This imbalance has made us resort to scrupulous tactics to seduce women to have sex with us (since our instinct to procreate is still strongly present) based on outside “skills”. We rely on personality and “pick-up tactics” to relate with women instead of building ourselves up first from the inside-out.

This leads to the recent events involving Julien Blanc of the company “Real Social Dynamics” where he has pretty much dug his own grave by promoting these superficial tactics as the “holy grail” of what manhood and attractiveness is about.

Although it doesn’t have to be this way.

RSD – at its core – teaches men how to build themselves up by having more confidence based on character values, finding meaning in their life by pursuing passion and overcoming negative (bullshit) thoughts in your head provided by social conditioning and mainstream media.

It’s NOT about “just fucking women”, manipulating others nor sexual abuse or teaching misogyny.

It’s about the person you become by learning the principles required to live a successful life. – And THAT is what makes you attractive.

Another (more recent) obstacle to relationships has been the

Dichotomy Of Gender Roles

Confused men aren’t taking control of their life since their natural role of provider and protector has faded away.

Women have become increasingly self-reliant and independent which has obscured the traditional gender roles and has led to frictious relationships between men and women.

Women can’t seem to find a “real man” and man can’t find “feminine” women.

How so?

Instinctively we’re still largely attracted to the traditional gender role of male dominance and female subordination.

These were important in the times where men were the providers of the essential physical resources necessary for survival (food, shelter, protection, money, …)

But..

Now we live in a more modern age where that isn’t the case anymore and intellectually these traditional gender roles do not make any sense anymore. They lead to asymmetrical power-relations and miss-communication.

Basically: We’re instinctively attracted to male dominance and female submission although intellectually we crave equality. 

See the dichotomy?

The woman who strives for female rights in the day is the same woman who reads 50 shades of gray at night and fantasizes about being conquered by a dominant man

Conversely,

The man who intellectually strives for equality among men and women is the same man who’s instinctively programmed to see women as a lust object.

There’s no escaping our instincts trough rational thought.

Our brains simply haven’t adapted yet to these new gender roles. (evolving our instinctive conceptions about procreation takes a lot of time)

As William Ickes clearly states in his research on Traditional Gender Roles (HIGHLY recommended reading)

The “paradox” of traditional gender roles is, in this sense, a product of the opposition between what our genes and past culture dispose us to do and what our present culture now prescribes.

The same traditional gender roles that facilitate men’s and
women’s attraction to each other may also, in the context of egalitarian social ideals, impede their ability to communicate and lead to dissatisfaction in their
relationships.

The only thing we can do is understand this concept and talk about it in our relationships.

Onwards..

Masturbation & Porn

As depicted in many different books like Think And Grow Rich, The Way Of The Superior Man and Sexual Ecstasy. The masculine drive is fueled by his “life force”. Whenever we ejaculate to much out of our body we’ll lose the much-needed energy to actually work on our goals and make some impact.

They talk about “cultivation of sexual energy“ by refraining from ejaculation too often. This way we can invest this energy in greater tasks.

This is a HUGE problem with modern men since (devoid of purpose/meaning) they blindly chase women and sex and therefore end up in a never-ending spiral of low-achievement and instant gratification.

“Men should aim to transform their sexual energy into a creative force or else it will look for lesser ways of release (masturbation/sex)”

I’ve personally noticed a tremendous increase in energy, focus and drive when I ejaculate less frequently, simply because I’m able to direct my energy to greater tasks like writing this article, reading books, waking up early, exercising, …

And I’ve actually seen this also in other high-achievers.

The gist of it is basically this: control your ejaculations, achieve more

“You won’t be willing to bypass ejaculation until you have experienced the much greater pleasures which lie beyond it. If you have accumulated a lot of tension in your daily life, ejaculation will afford you with temporary release.

But as you live your life with more and more purpose, you won’t accumulate so much tension during the day. Then you will discover that ejaculation, for the most part, actually depletes and weakens you.

It feels great for a few moments, but the price you pay for thegenital sneeze of ejaculation is a much higher level of mediocrity in your daily life.- Dadid Deida

I’ve also found numerous benefits of stopping with masturbation. Here are some that I’ve found to be very true;

• Increased confidence and pride
• Clarity of mind, no mental clutter
• Feeling worthy of really attractive women
• Vibrant and alive looking eyes
• Voice is now clear, body language firm
• A tangible magnetic connection with women
• Men respect you more

No downsides.

And what’s the deal with porn these days? We’re creating fictitious videos of what an quote-on quote “idealized” image of sex would look like; big tits, huge penises, excessive moaning and so-forth.

But porn – in essence – is fake.

We’re training our brain to become attracted to these unreachable scenarios making us more and more numbed from the real thing. We’re no longer stimulated by real women which causes diminishing erections/attractiveness in our illusive pursuit for sexual satisfaction in these forms of instant gratification

We’ve stopped caring about the real thing and have become so desensitized about sex that it has led to unnatural extremes which are continuously going to get worse if we don’t deal more consciously with the way we approach our sexuality.

Some boys (most actually) get introduced to porn before they experience the real thing and some become convinced that masturbation and porn is even better than real intimacy with women.

I see zero benefit in this.

Quit immediately (or reduce gradually)

Essence

It’s true. It’s difficult defining manhood these days.

Even harder actually being one.

But trough the process of trial and error and by consciously learning more and more about ourselves we’re able to become self-directed and autonomous men in this age of confusion.

“Throughout human history, men always had a clear and concise path laid out before them. We’re one of the first generations that doesn’t. You can do or be anything you want in any capacity that you want. So create your own standard and then surpass it. Psychologically that’s where we derive our worth and our value. – Mark Manson

This is NOT easy.

But it’s not supposed to be either. But let me re-phrase that;

You don’t want a life that’s easy.

A life that’s easy – constantly indulging in forms of instant gratification and being supported by others – is an unrewarding and pathetic life. It will lead to deterioration of yourself and eventually your downfall.

Depression, obesity, scarcity, sexual malfunctioning, mediocrity and more…

Who wants a mediocre life?

I surely don’t and I got the feeling you don’t either (since you’re already 3000+ words into this article)

You want a life that’s centered around a strong sense of identity, based on character values, continual growth and the contribution of meaningful work to society.

It won’t be easy – But that’s just the price you pay for being in the arena of life and not on the sidelines, as spectator.

Point being; You’ve always truly known all of this, but it’s just the fear and uncertainty that’s always pushed you back into comfort. What if I fail? What will I do? How will I make money?

All your questions will be figured out once you hit rock-bottom. When you’ve hit your face on the pavement so many times you eventually learn to catch yourself. (G.P.)

Your security lies in the trust you have in your own capacity to produce, to think, to learn, adapt and provide value not in being supported in any way by others. Time to un-plug.

Ask yourself this;

What if I make it?

Anyway, now all is said and done – Here are 5 6 practical steps I want you to take away from this post;

• Define for yourself in 5 values what a “real man” is and choose to live accordingly. Re-read it daily and visualize yourself in that role.
• Find a way to become financially independent
• Find your natural strengths and talents and find a way to combine these two to do worthwhile work
• Take control of your mind
• Stop watching porn and masturbation. (Or reduce it gradually – edging and multiple dry orgasms are allowed)
• Read “Way Of The Superior Man”, “Fire In The Belly”, “Iron John” and “The Way Of Men”
• Talk with your spouse about the dichotomy of gender roles. Understand that; intellectually and instinctively we desire opposites.

These steps will take a lifetime to master.

———————————————————————-

Guess that’s all I have to say about masculinity (for now). I hope you guys found it more than useful,

If you know someone who can use the advice I’ve given in this post – don’t hesitate to share. There’s enough bullshit being spewed on the internet already and I hope this can clear (some) things up for people who can really use this.

Stay strong.

Simon

“Just five more minutes”

“Just five more..”

The first sign that something is wrong in my life. I – literally – freak out (as I should) in times like this. I kick away my blanket, stretch and rotate out of bed until my bare feet hit the cold floor.

“Made it…  for now..“, I say to myself. (not really – but I might have mumbled it in my semi-zombie plant-state in the morning ;))

Anyway.. for me hitting the snooze button is far worse than “just sleeping five more minutes”. For me it means the beginning of a negative feedback loop.

What are negative feedback loops?

Some examples:

• People who constantly indulge in fast-food are rewarded by their brain with copious amount of endorphin’s which makes them more likely to eat fast-food which makes them indulge even more into fast-food…
• People who drink alcohol so they can get away from their life neglect their work and in turn makes them more likely to want to escape their life since it became even worse and therefore more likely to drink…
• People who spend tons of money on their appearance and possessions and are rewarded with a short feel-good burst of emotions by praise from others makes them more likely to buy those things which makes them more likely to receive praise. When they don’t get it, they feel like they need to spent even more money…

See the pattern here?

It’s what’s I call a “negative feedback loop”. Negative behavior being perpetually rewarded (subconsciously/consciously) which literally rewires the neural patterns of your brain which sends your life quality in a compounding, downward spiral.

Here’s some truth;

We’re constantly rewiring our brain.

Every.
Waking.
Second.

Even whilst you’re reading this line.

The behavior that gets rewarded is the behavior that will get repeated.

So the question is; What behavior are you rewarding?

————————————————————-

Progressing Or Regressing?

Today I see people around me literally wasting away valuable years of their life that will have contributed zero amount of value; Chasing women any chance they have, video games, junk-food, sleeping in, tv, fast-food, …

People that are stuck in these negative feedback loops lead themselves further and further down the rabbit hole with each repetition they reward.

Conversely, the person who;

• Eats healthy has more energy and can sustain more willpower which allows him to be sharper and make better decisions and choose the food that will support him, which leads him to be even more sharp and make even better decisions…
• The person who networks and reads books will become loaded with cool insights which allows him to meet new interesting people that give him even greater insights which allows him to meet more interesting people…
• The person who invest his money in assets which generate deposits and returns over time has more money in time to invest which yield more returns over time..

Anyway, I hope you get the picture by now.

It goes up, and up, and up.. (or down and down and down)

The rich definitely get richer and the poor definitely get poorer – in terms of the mind this is.

Mental momentum compounds. So be careful which direction you’re going. (edit: Essence of this post)

LITERALLY every decision we take in life is either getting us closer to where we want to go in life or moving us further away.

Progression or regression, there’s no “maintenance”

And do you want to know what really sucks about this?

You’re drawn to the negative feedback loop by default!

Are You In Control?

Like I said: We are constantly in the process of rewiring our brains by linking our actions to pain or to pleasure.

Let me ask you; are you control of your brain?

Yeah, Offcourse I am! Why wouldn’t I be?

Are you really?

Here are some examples;

• Ever ate something you actually shouldn’t and regretted it later?
• Ever slept in whilst you promised yourself you’d work on that project you wanted to work on?
• Ever thought you weren’t good enough for a certain girl, job position or anything else?

Chances are you have.

Why is this?

Our default thinking (and mine) hasn’t adapted to our modern day-and-age and therefore our thoughts are divided

Humans have always been designed for survival. It’s our sole instinctive purpose on this planet.

We weren’t made for crazy athletic pursuits, high job functions, space technology and all that other cool stuff. Our brain just does NOT want to exert anymore energy after our basic needs are fulfilled. Read my posts on;

• How You Sabotage Yourself
• How To Increase Motivation And Overcome Resistance Forever

We are plants by default.

That’s all our brain inherently cares for and that’s probably how it’ll be programmed for still a long time to come.

Here’s the only two things your brain cares about;

• Fulfill basic needs
• Preserve energy

Yet in this day and age we’ve constructed a whole system around satisfying these basic needs and therefore we blindly chase high sugar/high fat foods, don’t dare to partake in activities that can expand our brain capacity, are nervous and stifled in social interactions, submit to conformity and all that other stuff which potentially (most likely) ruins your life

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I don’t Simon. I have great control over my actions.!

You Don’t Own Your Thoughts!

You are born with this negative-feedback-chasing-crap brain by default. If you don’t actively pursue an upgraded version, it’s exactly what you’ll stay stuck with for the rest of your life.

Everything that marks (almost everything) success in my opinion goes against our normal, biological conditioning.

Our brain has an incredibly difficult time linking up what I call “success-habits” to rewards.

The speed in which you link these two is dependent on;

• The speed of your rewards/consequences after the action (Which in success-behavior is slow since you’ll most likely get long-term benefits instead of instant gratification)
• Complexity of behavior (The more complex the activity, the more difficult to condition the behavior)
• Biological predisposition (speech, motor patterns, avoidance of pain/fear are biologically easier to learn then speed-reading, networking, public speaking, eating healthy,…)

But great health? Creating a business? Dating gorgeous women? Waking up early? Reading? High Self-Esteem?

How about no..

Here’s the thing;

Your thoughts are divided.

Your default brain is telling you to stay at home, watch tv, don’t bother to read books, don’t go out to approach women, don’t think to highly of yourself and all that other bullshit that is ruining your life. Which is rewarded in these negative feedback spirals of death.

Yet it IS NOT YOU.

I love the way Steven Pressfield put this in his book “Do The Work”

There is an enemy at work.

 

There is an intelligent, active, malign force working against us.

(referring to the thoughts your default brain regurgitates in your mind)

He goes on;

This enemy is intelligent, adaptive, relentless, inextinguishable, and utterly ruthless and destructive.

 

It’s aim is not to obstruct.

 

Not to hamper or to impede.

 

It aims to kill.

 

And if you let it, if you let this malign force work its power.

 

It will kill you.

 

It will spread…

 

It will grow…

 

And eventually… it will kill you like cancer.

It knows you better than you know yourself and works continuously and subconsciously.

And worst of all: It knows exactly what to say and how to treat you in order to destroy your life.

But it’s not you..

If you’re interested, you can read more about this here: (How To Rule Your Mind And Destroy Bullshit Thoughts).

My point being: Don’t identify with these thoughts of your default brain since they are not you. Because if you let them, they’ll drag you down – literally – into self-destruction.

Here’s what “going soft” will feel like;

---

“Going soft”

It starts slowly..

You start to rationalize it’s ok to skip your gym session today since it’s raining outside, it’s ok to not go out this weekend because you’ve been facing countless rejections, it’s ok to sleep five minutes more today since you worked hard yesterday, It’s ok not to read today since you don’t have enough time.

Overall you’ll start to “let loose” a bit more.

But you’re slowly rewiring your brain…

neural pathway after pathway.

Slowly but surely, incrementally destroying your chance to live life the way it was supposed to be. Gradually joining the immense crowd of plant-like-stimulus-seeking zombies.

At this point you aren’t alive, but a state of pre-death preparation at best.

And then, one day, you wake-up.

Finally,

You reach a breaking point and realize that your life turned to shit: alone, depressed, overweight, stuck in a job you hate, married to a woman you’ve grown distanced from, children that hardly know you.

Your only means of escape being tv, alcohol, food, video games, internet porn, sleeping or any other sort of stimulation or sedative.

JUST SO YOU CAN GET AWAY

Just for a moment..

Just for one single moment..

But you can’t take it anymore, you realize there’s something wrong.

You try again, you try to fight it… But you fall down again..

It’s MUCH more difficult this time around…

You’ve created backwards momentum. The rock you used to push uphill is rolling backwards and is slowly crushing you. Incrementally dragging you deeper and deeper into despair.

---

This feeling of losing grip on your life – the feeling of losing traction on the world.

I hate it, it’s the worst. It destroys people.

Avoid it! AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS.

Only a few are able to escape it once they’ve been in one. Those are the “transformations” you see. Prevention is in my opinion the best option (although emotional pain is probably the single most powerful motivator there is)

So, how to avoid it?

How To Avoid Negative Feedback Loops

Now you know these loops exist, you’ll be able to avoid them. Ever heard the saying: “To See the cage is to escape it?” – well it definitely applies today.

You’ll start to wonder; “Is this thought I’m having my default brain telling bullshit or is it this new brain which knows better?

There’s 5 things you’ll need (besides awareness) for avoiding these negative feedback loops. Those are;

• Time
• Energy
• Focus
• Action
• Reward

Time & Energy

Primarily you’ll need time and energy (these are the foundation). Without energy you won’t be able to generate enough willpower necessary to escape the gravitational pull from your default brain and therefore won’t be able to rewire it. You can get more energy by getting your diet in check, exercising and sleeping well.

If you don’t have the time to spend on the things that are actually important there will – obviously – be no change.

I believe money = time. When you don’t have to chase a meaningless job endlessly you’ll have the freedom to focus on what really matters.

Focus

Without a clear direction of where you want to go with your life it’s all to common to fall into the trap of conformity. You just go with the flow..

Here’s how you can focus on what really matters

Action

Secondly, take continuous action, no matter how you feel about it. Consistency will lower the resistance you’ll have to face over time by rewiring your brain.

You can look at rewiring your brain as clearing a pathway trough a forest. At the beginning it’s very cluttered and obstructed but the more times you walk that path, it’ll get clearer and cleared and easier to traverse.

(so in effect, you’ll require less willpower). How to stay motivated and overcome resistance forever

Reward

Thirdly, reward the constructive actions you take frequently (and immediately). Our brain literally draws neural patterns from actions to rewards. If you want to read more, exercise more, sleep less, approach more, make more money and all that other good stuff.

Reward the actions (not the results) that you take for that asap, and don’t reward the ones that don’t!

It will strengthen the desired pathways and change your default thinking.

It can be simple/stupid stuff like; Eat a piece of fruit, listen to a song, take a powernap, take a warm bath, take a short break, eat something you like, watch a cartoon or a meme you enjoy,…

Over time it will become easier and easier until it becomes a habit. It compounds and grows like I mentioned above.

The Tipping Point

When you repeat this cycle, eventually you’ll reach a tipping point and the momentum will start to work for you instead of against you. (You’ll have rewired your default thinking and make this “new way of thinking” your new, default-mode)

This happens when you’ve actually gotten to the point you are getting these long-term benefits like; increased cash-flow, great physique/strength, interesting contacts, dating extremely attractive women,… (or whatever you define as success). Then you won’t be needing these short-term rewards any longer.

Imagine yourself pushing a boulder uphill. Once you get it rolling it’s easier and easier to maintain and when you reach the top it becomes self-sustaining whilst rolling downhill and crushing all your goals in its wake. (upward spiral)

Essence

Stay in control of your life at all costs. Don’t settle for complacency, don’t cope with mediocrity;

expand, grow, create yourself.

Freak out at the first sign of regression and destroy it before it starts to spread. Most negative habits form slowly and degrade your life quality over time and you won’t even notice.

Mental momentum compounds. So be careful which direction you’re going.

Just like the quote I shared most recently; “The chains of habit are to weak to be felt until they’ve become to strong to be broken”.

But it compounds until you reach a breaking point – don’t let it ever get that far.

Stay in control. Prevention is better than curing it IMO

You can see those people in the street who have “their shit” together. You can clearly distinguish the ones who are in the upward spiral of life and the ones that are destroying their own mind and life.

They don’t just merely walk.

They stride.

Determined, focused, obsessive even. You can almost see the glint in their eye that signifies the fire that’s burning inside of them.

They are in total-life-control.

That’s the person I want you to aspire to be. That’s what I want you to create yourself into.

So now I’m going to ask you:

“Are you in an upward spiral or a downward spiral?”

And if you are in a downward spiral;

“What’s your plan of getting out of it?”

This post was a bit more personal and emotional since it see almost everyone going in this downhill pattern. It’s disturbing and difficult to get them out of that situation because their brain literally can’t see it anymore.

Avoid death spirals, before the gravitational pull draws you in.

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If you feel like this post can help anyone out that you know, feel free to share it with your friends or send it in a mail to your mom! It helps me out a lot! If you’re having any thoughts or questions on this topic, feel free to share those with me in the comment section below.

Take care,

Love,

Simon

“Chaos breeds life, order creates habit” – Henry Adams

 

(& habit creates progress – and who doesn’t like progress? edit: I do!)

I try to wake up every day with clear intent of where I want to go with my life. Yet I constantly bump into the dichotomy of chaos and order since I look for a pretty divided outcome;

• On the one hand I’m feverishly looking for progress in my life which flows out of clearly structured habits
• On the other hand I’m looking for my life to be supremely blissful, composed out of thrilling new experiences.

In the mean-time I’m getting distracted by other people telling me how I should live my life to harvest what they believe to be “success”.

It’s chaotic,
therefore confusing,
therefore difficult.

& I don’t like that

So, how do I face this conundrum? And more importantly; how do I organize my life when everything is falling apart?

edit: Yes, I’m experimenting with difficult words.

——————————————————–

Indicators Of Chaos

Dishes are piling up, keys magically disappear (although they were in your hand two seconds ago) and groceries just don’t get done. It’s mostly the small things that give in first..

But it increases..

Deadlines aren’t met, appointments are forgotten and overall your confidence just drops to an all-time low whilst unfinished tasks are piling up on your desk.

It doesn’t help that our surroundings are constantly competing for our ever decreasing attention span in what I find to be “The Age Of Distraction”

Think media, video games, advertisements, …

And we wonder about the cause of the rising epidemic of ADHD in youth?

Life seems to fly past whilst we struggle to gain some traction.

Chaos galore..

I hate it.

I like LOVE being “on top” of my stuff.

Yet last week I had the feeling that control was slipping trough my hands a bit – Like a bundle of sand I’m trying to hold that’s flowing trough my fingers caused by the exerted pressure.

Losing grip on your life?

It sucks IMO

It’s the sole thing that prevents growth (which is what you’re – hopefully – striving for).

So, how do you fix this?

Structure

Why Do We Need Structure?

We don’t Simon! I’m getting all my stuff done already – “on the fly” – without too much planning!

I highly doubt it and if you’re getting any results at all, they’ll be sub-optimal at best.

Let me answer that question with a great quote I’ve stumbled upon recently;

most people surveying the world around them today see only chaos. They suffer a sense of personal powerlessness and pointlessness.”

“Individuals need life structure.

A life lacking in comprehensive structure is an aimless wreck. The absence of structure breeds breakdown.

Structure provides the relative fixed points of reference we need.” – Alvin Toffler (The Third Wave)

Let me repeat that: The absence of structure breeds breakdown.

You can solely build up something (e.g. progress) with a solid plan of attack. Ever tried;

• Building a house without a plan?
• A thriving business without a solid business plan?
• A strong body without a effective training schedule?

You’ll end up with these kinds of results (click to enlarge)

Yeah, Ok. I think life can be pretty chaotic at times. I guess some sense of structure sounds reasonable… So..

How Do I Focus On What Really Matters?

What we basically lack when all is going to shit is focus

What we basically lack when all is going to shit is focus

Yes, I’ve written that twice. So you’ll understand.. CLEARLY

Sounds plausible Simon, so how do I get more focused & structured?

Alright, time to get practical.. Structuring your life is relatively simple yet not that easy. The way I approach it is in 5 steps;

1. Vision
2. Goals
3. Prioritize
4. Plan
5. Execute

Let’s take a closer look..

Vision

First up, it goes without showing that you should have somewhat of a purpose defined and have designed your life plan by now. Having a vision planned out for your life is the foundation of clarity.

(If not, I highly recommend you to > Download A Copy Of My Life Plan Excel File< and start reading my post on Goal Setting. )

Here’s a quick re-cap of how I do it;

Start by envisioning how you want your life to look like ideally in all areas of life. See it as a menu (like in a restaurant) where you can pick basically anything you want. Think like a child for now – think limitless.

Go over the essentials like your ideal health, financial situation and social life. Expand further into skills/knowledge you want to master, the way you want your mind to be, what you want to contribute and so-on ;) Pick the things that excite you the most.

Got that image in your mind? Good!

Now, write down specifically what your ideal day would look like. If you need some inspiration here’s a part of mine;

I wake up in a king sized bed next to the most beautiful and smart girl you’ve ever seen in my house on the beach in Hawaii. I do my morning ritual and drink from my juicer. I go for a swim in the ocean and catch some nice wild salmon to eat later in the evening. I go back home and wash myself and do a light morning workout. I read a couple of hours in a interesting book about astronomy and technology…

Basically: Establish an ideal vision of what you want your life/you to look like.

What does your ideal day/life look like?

Goals

Now if you’re ambitious you probably have A LOT of ideas about how your ideal life would look like. But clarity doesn’t come when EVERYTHING needs to get done or when your to-do list runs endlessly. Therefore we’re going to reduce all your goals to your top three that will have the MOST IMPACT on the quality of your life (Be sure to make these VERY SPECIFIC).

This is key!

Discard all the rest.

To give you an example, here are mine;

• Great Health
  Without great health I’m nothing. Iwon’t be ableto function optimally nor be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I value energy, strength and aesthetics. I define “Great Health” as;
  • 85kg @ 8% bodyfat
  • 300Kg Deadlift, Squat 250Kg, Benchpress 200Kg)
  • Great skin, gut health & white teeth
  • Radiating energy (focused and alert at all times under optimal conditions)
• Financial Independence
  Financial independence will grant me freedom of time and energy to spend on work that I find worthwhile to pursue. It clears the issue of money of the table and can get you really started to make some impact in the world. “Start making a life and not a living. I define FI as;
  • €6250/monthly
  • Own two fast-lane businesses
  • No debt
• Great Social Life
  People are a necessity in my life. Although I’m not naturally gifted in the people department I value strong relationships to a huge degree. I care about quality notquantity in this area.I define “a great social life” as;
  • Great connection with two close friends (M & N)
  • Mastering all the principles taught in “How To Win Friends And Influence People”
  • 3 high-quality girlfriends (smart, fun & attractive)

What are your top three goals?

Prioritize

So now we’ve established the “what”-part. Now we’re going to move into the “how”-part. Now this is off-course the most tricky part since you can never really know exactly which actions will take you to your desired end-goals.

The best way to do this is to simply weigh-off your options and estimate the highest-leverage actions.

Just take your most educated guess by analyzing your situation and copying what others are doing. Trust in the process and adjust it as you go along. As Steve Jobs said most eloquently;

You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. – Steve Jobs

So, How do I do it?

I use a method called “The Law Of Pareto“;

It is originally an economic principle that stated that;

• 80% of your revenue comes from 20% of your customers

It helps to focus on the actions with the highest leverage in achieving your goals. It can be applied to many things and will make reaching your goals increasingly efficient.

Basically, you’ll ask yourself: “What are the 20% of actions I can take that will get me 80% of the desired results?”

As applied to my goals above, this is the best bet I can make at this time;

• Great Health
  • Train heavy
  • Eat healthy
  • Sleep 6 to 7:30 hours a day
• Financial Freedom
  • Learning
  • Writing
  • Experimenting
  • Money Management
• Great Social Life
  • Meet-ups with my two friends
  • Cold-approaching women
  • Networking/Interacting

Note: There’s also a concept called Hyper-Pareto, meaning you’ll repeat this process again to become even more focused.

• “What are the 20% of actions you can take of those 20% that will get me 80% of the results of the 80% of results?” (So basically: 4% of actions that yield 64% of the results.Do this again and you’ll get the 1% of actions that will give 50% of the results (in theory). But who wants half results eh?

It’s fun to experiment with this but the idea is simply this; Fill ALL your time with high-leverage activities.

What are the highest leverage actions you can take for each goal?

Plan

From there start dividing these big, high-leverage actions into smaller actionable steps over time (like I talked about in my post on goal setting), Be sure to include benchmarks (measure points)

Therefore reduce your actions/set benchmarks for;

• 18-months
  (according to Peter Drucker this is the furthest we can plan into the future without the image becoming unreliable)
• Yearly
• Quarterly (3 months)
• Monthly
• Weekly

What are the smallest actionable steps you can take for each period and how will you track progress (determine benchmarks)?

Execute

So now you’ll have filled in your Week-Planner with a load of high-leverage activities. So how do we efficiently do the actual work?

I’ve used numerous tactics to actually plan my days;

From planning every moment in detail to the very hour I’m supposed to do it as well as letting my life flow by without any order.

Result?

The first approach leads to a stress overload, lack of freedom to adjust and you mostly miss all your deadlines which feels extremely unrewarding. The second approach is like having no goals at all (which is probably the approach most people use)

Structure is necessary yet too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Solution?

Plan your ONE highest-leverage activity first thing in the morning and execute it until it is done. Everything else besides that ONE THING is simply a distraction.

• NO email
• NO facebook
• NO people interrupting
• NO cleaning
• NO nothing else
• (unless these are your one thing)

Just nice… clean…. constant focus. Aaaaaaah, feels great doesn’t it?

“There’s no force greater than a well-focused mind”

The way I execute daily is by choosing three to four “big things” with one primary focus for my day (I usually do this the night before). I write them down on my whiteboard and take a picture of them when I leave the house. I focus all my energy and time on those 3-4 tasks and let the other chips/interference’s of life fall where they may.

Like Stephen Covey said in his book “7 Habits Of Highly Effective People”; Focus on your “Big Rocks” first.

Note: Be sure to set a realistic time-block (set a time for) your activities in which they NEED to be finished & keep them short! Two reasons for this;

• If you give yourself too much time you’ll just end up expanding your work (Parkinson’s Law)
• If you give yourself too little time you won’t be able to finish the task

You’ll learn how to do this more efficiently by practicing and experimenting.

Just line up your bricks and let them fall as they should. Then witness the formation of forward momentum that will grant you total life control

Sounds pretty good – doesn’t it? :)

Final Notes

Note that your vision will change continuously over time and therefore the whole hierarchy will change. The goals I’ve set at the beginning of this year have become highly inaccurate now and therefore I recommend to actively review this process about once a month. If you feel like you’re going off-track there’s no need to wait a month and you MUST do it sooner.

Furthermore you’ll still have some routine tasks that are low-leverage but need to get done anyway, things like; doing the dishes, washing your clothes, cleaning your house, running errands, cooking, … .

If you can afford it, I suggest you delegate low-leverage tasks to a maid. If not; Batch them all together in one day/afternoon, whilst listening to audio-books.

Video-Blog

I’ve also made a supportive video for the ones who don’t have the time to read trough all of this.

Note: However the fact that I made a video, I want you to know that speaking isn’t one of my natural strengths and – although I’ve made progress on this – I recommend reading the full blogpost over watching the video.

Watch On Youtube

Essence

All-right! A lot to take in… Here’s a re-cap of what you need to know;

1. Vision
   Create Your Ideal Vision
2. Goals
   Set Your 3 Highest Impact Goals
3. Prioritize
   Determine Your Highest-Leverage Actions
4. Plan
   Divide Your Actions Over Time And Set Benchmarks
5. Execute
   Pick 3-4 “Big Rocks” And Annihilate Them Accordingly

That’s the exact system I’ve been using for the past couple of months and it’s working flawlessly so far. I’ll adjust it further as time goes on and I’ll see where it gets me.

So, what do I want you to do for now?

Use it! (or at least give it a try & give me some feedback on it ;))

The best way to test this is by simply asking you this one question;

What Are Your 3 Highest-Impact Goals Overall & What Are The 3 Highest-Leverage Actions You Can Take This/Next Week?

Ok, I lied. Those are two questions :/

Anyway, that’s it for today!

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If you feel like this post can help anyone out that you know, feel free to share it with your friends or send it in a mail to your mom! It helps me out a lot! If you’re having any thoughts or questions on this topic, feel free to share those with me in the comment section below.

Take care,

Love,

Simon